Sandy and Judith arrive home in a taxi in a blinding rainstorm. Sandy runs towards the house while Judith pays the driver and accidentally drops the housekeys. When Sandy realizes she is the only one at the front door, she screams out to Judith and asks what happened. Judith, in a round-about way, suggests she help her look for them. As the two bend over in the street to continue the search, a car approaches, splashes and leaves them completely drenched. Judith suggests that there was some sort of inevitability to that.
Jean is sitting in the living room, reading the newspaper when the girls arrive in the hallway. She hollers out to them that she hopes they managed to get a cab. They walk in, all wet and rearranging themselves and Jean does a double-take. Sandy tells her that some drivers behave like kids when there's a puddle -- they seem to have to go through them. Lionel walks into the room and Jean rhetorically tells him the girls "got splashed." 
Lionel grins and appears to be unsympathetic. He reminds them that he told them that morning to be sure to bring an umbrella. They run through the entire story at the end of which he off-handedly asks why they didn't say so in the first place and seems bored with this silly conversation. He makes things worse by telling them they both look like a mess. Jean is horrified. The girls look annoyed with him and leave the room.
Lionel's newspaper is rearranged and he comments on it as Jean refers to his insensitivity. He, missing her point, suggests she is the insensitive one for messing up his paper. He doesn't understand the fuss over that innocent comment of his, but Jean tries to explain that both of the girls are very vulnerable at the moment since Judith just turned down Alistair's proposal and Sandy and Harry had a major row. Lionel tells her he will fix it by telling them how nice they look after they've changed their clothes. Jean sighs an exasperated sigh and leaves the room.
Later that night Jean reads in bed as Lionel comes into the room and begins a sentence by saying "...if I was a woman..." Jean wonders if he's started cross-dressing. He ignores her and explains that if he were a woman and turned down a marriage proposal he would not be the unhappy one. He figures that the person who was actually turned down would be the unhappy one. She tells him that he lives in a very black and white world. He concludes that he just doesn't understand women. Sandy, he says, wasn't even proposed to. Jean explains that she might have been had Harry not had a rugby match the afternoon of the row. Lionel observes that Harry "does love his rugby." Lionel wants to get back to the point he was making. Jean, who is busy filing her nails, says she understands his point. After a pause, she adds that it was "totally invalid." She tells him to just realize that they are both depressed and forget about rationalizing the situation. He tells her he is "not doing it." She doesn't know what he means. He admits to not understanding women, he says, but "I understand you." She advises him that she could take offense at that. No matter -- he will not "collude with" her master plan." He suspects that her wheels are turning.
He describes what he assumes to be that master plan: they get Harry and Alistair over to the house without telling the girls, turn the lights way down low, sprinkle everything with rose petals and before you can say Barbara Cartland they will be back together. She says that is absurd and he confirms that that is exactly why he is not going to do it. He reminds her as he has done a million times before that it is none of their business and he shuts out the light.
That, of course, does not stop her. In the dark, she speaks: "misery" (no response) -- "curmudgeon" (again, no response) -- know-all (he laughs). "I'm right, aren't I?" he asks. She agrees, but grudgingly and assures him that she would never herself come up with such a crackpot scheme. She doesn't want to sit idly by and watch the girls be so sad. In the end, she asks Lionel what he's going to do. That, of course, makes Lionel turn the light on and look stunned at the question.
The next day Alistair and Lionel are sitting on the couch in the living room. Lionel rolls his eyes and looks at him with disbelief as he listens to Alistair's side of a telephone conversation. Alistair's side consists of a lot of jerky "uh-huhs", "rights", "got its" and "yeah, yeah, yeahs". When the conversation is over, Alistair closes the phone and tells Lionel he's sorry. "Don't apologize. It's a pleasure to hear the English Language used so beautifully."
Alistair resumes his conversation with Lionel. It seems there is a reawakening of interest in Lionel's book in Japan and Alistair wants to send him on an all-expense-paid trip to Tokyo to promote it. Lionel does not understand the sudden interest of the Japanese in a book about Kenya, but Alistair assures him that they are inscrutable -- "or is that the Chinese"? Lionel does not want to go to Japan and insists that if they are that inscrutable they will buy the book anyway. Alistair says that he just thought he'd "put the ball on the spot" and see if he "wanted to take the penalty". He gets up to leave and Lionel asks if he has a moment. Alistair can spare five minutes.
Lionel explains that both Sandy and Judith are depressed -- Sandy because of the row she's had with Harry, and Judith because she's just turned down Alistair's proposal. It wasn't, Lionel explains, the turning down of the proposal that was the problem -- it was the way the proposal was given in the first place. There was that "any port in a storm" suggestion to it. Anyway, he asks if Alistair has any ideas about how to cheer the girls. Alistair needs to be brought up to date and wonders what has been done so far towards that end. 
Lionel tells him that he told them twice how nice they look. Alistair is not impressed. He wonders whatever happened to the non-intervention policy he had taken with regard to the girls. Lionel blames it on Jean, saying he had probably turned off his bedroom light at least ten times the night before as they discussed this matter. And then that morning, he complains, Jean herself said nothing to the girls -- all she did was keep nodding at Lionel to handle it. He mimics one of Jean's nods for Alistair.
Just then Jean walks in talking of a woman at the Charity Shop where she volunteers. Suddenly she sees Alistair and rushes to give him a big hug. He thought that after "that business" with Judith their hugging days would be over. She is delighted to see him and assumes that Lionel has agreed to the crackpot scheme. She asks if he is going to hide. He's confused. She thinks that Alistair will jump out and surprise Judith when she gets home. Lionel tells her not to jump to any conclusions and assures her that Alistair has not come to propose all over again. He merely asked Alistair for suggestions about how to handle the girls' depression. Alistair wants to know if he should take back the hug.
They are interrupted when Judith comes home. Jean frantically suggests that Alistair hide so that Judith doesn't accuse them of meddling. He doesn't know where to go and Lionel lifts up the couch cushion and points to it to suggest he might try to disappear under that. 
Judith is surprised to see Alistair. She stands in front of Alistair with her hands on her hips and asks what he's doing there. She does not look pleased to see him. She asks Jean what she is up to. Jean claims to have been tidying the cushions. Judith says she knows that Alistair wasn't asked over there to watch her tidy the cushions. Jean insists that Alistair came over on his own accord. Then Judith asks the magic question: "Why?"
This very logical and seemly simple question leaves everyone speechless and all of a sudden the wheels are in motion. Under pressure, Jean is forced to tell Judith the "truth of the matter" which is that Alistair came by to talk to Lionel about a personal matter -- a matter so personal that even she does not know what it is. It is, as Alistair says "a guy thing". This explanation seems to satisfy Judith and she apologizes for the initial confusion and leaves the room. Alistair congratulates Jean on her quick thinking. Lionel looks puzzled and Jean wonders why since she just got him off the hook. He tells her he is just wondering what his deeply personal problem is.
Lionel is in the kitchen preparing to eat his cereal. He begins to pour it into the bowl when he realizes there is hardly anything left in the box. He starts to get up for some more, but Sandy walks in, sees what just happened and insists on fixing a bowl for him. She goes to the cupboard and removes an unlabeled container. Sandy sits across the kitchen table and tries to talk with him. She says she's his friend and they can talk about anything, she says, even sex. "I'm not very good at that," he tells her. "Oh, is see," she sort of gasps. He reassures her that it is talking about it that he has the problem with. She appears to be relieved. He tells her he knows she must have been talking with Judith. Sandy acknowledges that Judith said that there was some sort of problem. Lionel assures her it is not that problem. She stands up and looks very seriously at Lionel and says that if he won't tell her, then he must tell Jean. He answers by saying that for reasons she cannot understand there is nothing he can tell Jean. He ends the conversation by saying that he does not want Jean to know about it. Sandy looks saddened by this and leaves the room. Lionel begins to eat and appears to be revolted by whatever it was that Sandy fixed for him.
Sandy and Judith are following Jean around as she does her housework. Even though Jean tells them she is "sick with worry" the girls appear to be more worried than she does. They wonder whether or not there is another woman. Jean is forced to build on her lie and, in response to their badgering, tells the girls that Lionel stressed very clearly that the personal problem had neither to do with his health nor with another woman. She just doesn't want to appear to be worried in front of Lionel because then he will be more worried. They don't understand why, when Lionel has a clear record of not being able to keep a secret from Jean, she is not able to wheedle this one out of him. Lionel comes from the kitchen and into the hallway. He says he is leaving to get some more cereal because what he has tastes like horsefeed. Jean wants to go with him "for company." Lionel says he doesn't think he will get lonely on the way to the corner shop. They leave and Judith and Sandy suspect that Jean knows more than she is saying.
Judith answers the telephone. It is Alistair, who is asking for Lionel. She tells him that Lionel just went out for a short time and should be home soon. Sandy comes in and whispers that she should ask him about Lionel. Hoping he might spill the beans Judith asks if she can take a message, but Alistair obviously reveals nothing. She asks Alistair where he is at and then hangs up. Sandy wonders why she wanted to know. "Have you ever heard of the weakest link in the chain?" is her answer.
Alistair is standing in front of an elevator. The doors open and he sees Judith and Sandy and runs up the stairs and away from them. They race upstairs after him hollering as they chase him -- they only want five minutes they say. He has an urgent appointment and can't spend the time. He enters a parking garage and hides behind a car. 
They enter the garage and begin to look for him. He backs away towards an older woman who starts screaming and fighting him off. 
The girls are attracted by the screams and start running towards the commotion. Alistair fights free and drives off as the woman screams "stop thief!" The girls approach the woman who begins fighting them too, thinking they are all part of a gang. "Lunatics!" she screams, hollering at the same time for security. Security ultimately comes in the form of an elderly, disabled man with a limp, who was probably old enough to be the woman's father.
Jean, Lionel and Alistair are in a pub discussing the results of this lie and they all agree that this is a pretty good mess that they now find themselves in. Alistair wonders what the world is coming to since he found himself running away from two beautiful women. Each of them is being bothered by the girls. Jean agrees that this was all a silly spur-of-the-moment lie, but thinks it can be fixed by simply deciding what the problem is. Alistair says that even if they do make up some sort of problem, 
the girls could possibly lock him in a room and start taking all their clothes off. If they did, he was sure that he would crack under that pressure. Lionel tells her the problem is sitting beside him. She thinks that statement was not very helpful. They agree that no matter what the problem they invent, when the girls find out about it they will then try to solve it for him. Jean blames Lionel for the situation, saying he was the one who got Alistair involved in the first place. Lionel has had it. He decides that he is going to tell them the truth. He walks out and leaves Alistair and Jean alone to wonder if that approach -- the truth -- might not be for the best.
Sandy and Judith are having coffee in the kitchen and worrying about being identified as having been involved in the garage incident. Lionel interrupts this conversation and tells them he wants to talk to them both. He tells them that is is time they knew the truth about "this deeply personal problem of mine..." In an attempt to comfort him, they both tenderly put their hands on his. He says he doesn't have a problem, deeply personal or otherwise. 
He explains that they were just trying to explain away Alistair's presence that afternoon so that Judith wouldn't think that they were meddling. They ask why Alistair was there. He tells them about the trip to Tokyo. They obviously don't believe him. Sandy laughs at him. He says that maybe now that it has all been sorted out, they can forget it and he can stop feeling as though he is living in a madhouse. He gets up and leaves. They look at one another and chuckle in disbelief with "get him" looks on their faces.
Later that night Lionel sits up in bed reading the Bible. Jean comes in and asks if he's got religion.
He tells her that it is just another one of those books he thought he'd read, but hadn't. Jean asks what it's about, but he doesn't want to give away the plot. She tells him that she was chatting with the girls and they told her what he said. Lionel tells her that someone had to put a stop to it. She surprises him by saying that his story did not put a stop to anything because they didn't believe him. He is stunned and doesn't understand because he told them the absolute truth. She says "it comes out as a rather flimsy story, doesn't it?" He gets up walks to the door of the bedroom and hollers for both Sandy and Judith to get into the bedroom. 
Both of them arrive, puzzled, and he tells them no-one is going to bed until this whole thing is sorted out. They want to know what is going on but Lionel tells them all to just stand there and be quiet. Jean gets out of bed and lines up with them. He holds up a book and says he is prepared to swear on this book. 
Jean interrupts him and points out that he is holding "Winnie the Pooh". He double checks and looks surprised by that, but recovers quickly and holds up the Bible. He is prepared to swear -- they interrupt him and Judith tells him not to perjure himself. The girls promise never to ask about the problem again and start to leave. Judith hangs back and puts her arm around Jean. "But do tell mom," she implores Lionel. They leave. Lionel says "I give up!"
The next morning Jean walks into the living room and pours the coffee. A very cheerful Lionel tells her what a lovely morning it is and she comments that he is in a good mood, considering the mess they are now in. He says he has given up all responsibility for it and doesn't care if anyone believes what he said. Jean refers to Plan B, which she says is solving Lionel's problem. Lionel wonders if she is starting to think he actually has a problem. The doorbell rings and Alistair walks in. He sits down and says "About this surprise." He thinks a good surprise would cheer the girls up, but can't think of one because it isn't the sort of problem one can solve by chucking plastic at it. Jean tells Alistair not to worry about it any longer because the girls will come around eventually and they are not that depressed. Lionel wishes she had said that at the beginning. Jean says it sorta growed, like Topsy. Sandy walks in and asks if she could speak to Jean and Lionel in the kitchen. They get up and walk out and as Lionel passes Sandy, he says that he is giving nothing but his name, rank and serial number. Sandy is alone with Alistair.
He says he is going to go back to his lonely bachelor existence. Sandy, who removes her jacket, revealing a tight, sleaveless tank top, tells him to stay and finish his coffee. 
Alistair, continuing with his rich fantasy life, fears she is trying to get information from him by removing some of her clothing and asks why she is doing that. She tells him she was hot and wonders what he thought she was doing. He counters by saying that that could be a way of getting information out of him. She tells him that sometimes he lives in a dream world. He gets a sort of dreamy look on his face and smiles.
Lionel and Jean arrive in the kitchen where Judith awaits them. Lionel repeats his name, rank and serial number. Judith promises to ask no more questions and Jean says that that is just as well because they are running out of answers. 
Sandy comes in, happy that Judith did not start without her and the two girls make their presentation. Judith asks how they would like a surprise. Lionel again repeats his name, rank and serial number. Jean shushes him and asks what kind of surprise. They take out what appears to be a travel brochure and Sandy explains that it is a lovely hotel in Kent. The girls booked a room for them for the weekend. Jean thinks it is a sweet idea, but asks why they did this. Judith tells them that they know that they have been putting them through it a bit lately and want to make up for it. 
They promise that they won't stick their noses in it any more on the condition that Lionel tell Jean about the "problem" so that they can work it out between themselves. Where better, than in a quiet hotel, away from them? Jean starts to refuse the offer when Lionel interrupts her by saying "thank you, we'll take it." Jean is startled by this, but Lionel repeats what he just said. The girls are excited. Lionel emphasizes that this is his deeply personal problem and "we'll take it."