Lionel is on the telephone repeating the words "no thank you," when Jean walks into the living room. Finally he hangs up the telephone and Jean asks if it is a friend of his. He tells her that it is "British Telecom" -- a company Lionel might say is a friend to no-one. 
It was one of those "are-you-satisfied-with-our-service?" calls. Lionel said "yes" and hoped that would be it, but then he got ten minutes worth of talk about their extra services. He thinks it is all a little too complicated. You can, for example, get a special rate if you make calls between 3 and 5 o'clock in the morning providing you're standing on one leg and wearing a ginger wig. She goes along with him by acting surprised that he turned that down. "Well, you know what I mean." he tells her.
While Lionel has been going on about the phone company, Jean has been taking things out of the bag she carried into the living room. 
One of the things is a little teddy bear which she brings with to the couch and puts on her lap. Lionel sees it and asks who it's for. He's surprised to learn that Jean bought it for herself. He starts to ask her if she isn't a bit -- but she interrupts him with a very abrupt "No" and tells Lionel that this teddy bear is very sweet. To prove the point she sits with it on her lap like Charlie McCarthy and manipulates its paw to appear as though it is waving at him, but it isn't that easy to put one over on a man like Lionel -- he immediately knows Jean is simply waving its arm up and down. "Ignore him, Herbert," Jean says to her teddy bear. Lionel is incredulous. Why is he called Herbert? "Because that's his name," Jean says matter-of-factly.
Jean casually tells him that she went into the office today. It doesn't take Lionel too long to realize what's going on. "A-Ha!" he says. It all makes sense to him: 
Jean goes into the office, sees how smoothly Judy and Sandy are running it, feels out of touch and buys Herbert to console herself. Jean doesn't understand how the girls can run that office like a well-oiled machine. It is a new-age technology and she fears that she and Lionel are being left behind. Lionel thinks first of all, that they are not new age and one can only feel left behind if they were trying to catch up in the first place. She wonders if they should be trying to catch up. When he tells her that they've bumbled along so far in their own medieval way, she says "Bumble is the word."
"Could someone do this up for me?" Sandy asks as she walks into the room. 
Jean helps her fasten her necklace. Sandy notices Herbert and says "Isn't he sweet?" as she sits down in Lionel's chair and puts him on her lap. Lionel informs her that he waves to people as well. Of course he does, she says, and begins to move Herbert's paw up and down. "Hello, Lionel," she says sweetly. Lionel sneers. 
Jean asks where she's going and Sandy tells her that Alistair has some tickets to a film premiere "that nobody can get hold of." Jean is not surprised. "That's Alistair!" she says and just as she does, the doorbell rings and Sandy says "That's Alistair." When Lionel goes to open the door, Sandy gets serious and asks if Jean is alright with this. Jean tells her that if Judy is alright with this, why shouldn't she be? As far as Lionel is concerned, he is too confused to even have an opinion. Sandy starts to tell her that it was "not as though..." -- but her thought is interrupted.
Alistair walks in with a deep "Hi Guys." Jean and Sandy mock him and answer with a deep "Hello Alistair." Sandy assumes the voice of Herbert and waves at Alistair and says another deep hello. Alistair says, "guys, girls, teds -- what's the difference?" 
Lionel tells him that if he doesn't know how to tell the difference it is time he had a talk with someone. This provokes the traditional "nice one Li." Suddenly he notices Sandy and how nice she looks. "Is that dress split to the thigh, or what?" he says. She points out that it is not split to the thigh and he says "a guy can dream." Alistair asks if they are ready to outshine the stars and Sandy tells him that she doesn't see how they can fail. They start to leave but Jean calls Sandy back. She asks what Sandy was trying to say before she got interrupted. Sandy finishes her thought: it's not as though anything was going on between her and Alistair -- it is like going out with your brother. She tells Jean that it is Judith that Alistair wants. Jean pokes Lionel and says she told him so. He says no, she didn't. She modifies her position: "Well, I meant to."
Jean, Lionel and Judith are having dinner in the kitchen. Jean is rather excited about what Sandy had told her earlier and Judith acts as though it is of no interest to her at all. "But Sandy said...." Judith tells her she already told her what Sandy said and she wants her mother to leave it alone. Jean turns and says "Lionel!" Lionel says "Absolutely!" 
Jean asks absolutely what and he says "Just absolutely." He says that this saga is running longer than the Archers -- he finds it totally confusing and doesn't see anyone unconfusing him. Jean explains: "It is Judy that Alistair wants." Judy informs them that Alistair doesn't know what he wants -- he is waltzing around like some demented comet and until he comes down to earth she does not want to know. She just wants the subject changed. Lionel tells her he never had a teddy bear when he was a child. They hear the front door open and close and Jean wonders "who can that be?"
It is Sandy, who walks in looking deflated. Jean asks her how the film was, but realizes that that is a silly question because Sandy has not been gone for very long. Sandy tells them that they never got there.
They went for some pre-premiere drinks and the Alistair's pager went off. Judith says that sounds familiar. Then he made a call on his mobile, said how sorry he was, put her in a taxi and then disappeared. Judy tells her that sounds familiar too. Jean glares at Lionel and tells him that he has a lot to answer for. "I don't even have a pager," he protests. She explains that she is refering to the male sex. Lionel has a look on his face that says "huh?".
It's a new day and the doorbell rings. Jean is shouting for Lionel to get it but the bell keeps ringing. She is wearing an apron and seems to be in the middle of something as she rushes towards the front door. On her way she peeks into the living room and sees the reason why Lionel hasn't answered. He is oblivious to her hollering because he is wearing a large headset -- whatever he is listening to pleases him because he has a silly smile on his face. 
Jean has no choice but to answer the door. The man who is standing on the other side identifies himself as Paul Patridge of British Telecom, come to install the second phone line. Jean is about to let him in, but he cautions her to first check the photo ID he wears around his neck because "forgeries have been known." She is convinced he is who he says he is.
He seems surprised -- "You didn't say A-Ha!" She asks if she was supposed to. Most people do, he explains. "You know, the character off the television." He explains that as soon as people hear the name they say "A-Ha!" and laugh. He finds it very wearing. Jean says that he is very funny though, really. "Not to me," says Mr. Partridge -- "couldn't be really." She tells him that the extra phone line goes in the living room right next to the computer and says he should go in and she will be in in a minute.
The technician walks into the living room where Lionel is just packing up his headphones and announces that he is Paul Partridge from British Telecom. Lionel cannot believe it -- "My God! You're really keen, you people, aren't you?" 
Mr. Partridge says that they certainly do their best. Lionel, still thinking the man's presence is somehow related to the conversation he had earlier that day, asks "Why?" and is told "because you asked us to." Lionel denies this and claims to have said no, thank you to everything. The man checks his appointment sheet and confirms that the name is Hardcastle. 
Lionel doesn't care that his name is on the sheet and says that he doesn't appreciate this high pressure salesmanship. Mr. Partridge, who is a very relaxed and low-key kind of man, says he isn't trying to pressure Lionel at all, but he is just there to fit the extra phone line. It occurs to Lionel that they are working at cross purposes. Fortunately it is just then that Jean walks in to clear up the matter.
She tells Lionel that she ordered the extra phone line because they were going on the internet.
"A-ha!" says Lionel. "Picked up on the name, then?" says Mr. Partridge. Lionel is, of course, confused. Jean wants to know what he means by "A-ha!" He figures it is all an extreme reaction to their being technologically illiterate. Jean tells him that there is nothing extreme about it -- everyone is on the internet. Paul Partridge tells her that he is. Lionel asks Jean exactly what she intends to do once she gets connected and concludes that she doesn't even know. She tells him that she will find out and there are all sorts of things to do -- for instance, they can send email. Lionel is frustrated and looks as though his eyes will pop -- "who do you want to email?" he nearly shouts.
Mr. Partridge appears to be uncomfortable and asks if maybe they shouldn't reschedule the appointment. Jean says he should just go ahead and do it -- she and Lionel are just chatting. The man goes to see what he has to work with and chuckles "hoo hoo hoo hoo" -- he is amazed at the fact that they still have the old ZR359B. "Have we?" Jean says, sounding a bit thrilled at this discovery. Lionel suspects she doesn't even know what it is and the expression on her face confirms it.
They walk Mr. Partridge out into the hall after the line has been installed. Lionel apologizes for the misunderstanding. "Not at all," he says and tells them that they will be up and running once they get the new PC. They look stunned and the man tells them that he thought they knew. The model they've got in there won't get them on the net. He tells them not to panic because they can probably get by by just hooking it up to a modem. Jean closes the door and Lionel says "You don't know what a modem is, do you?" She tells him that it is "something you need." Lionel supposes that the next step is to find a modem shop. She tells him to shut up.
Judith is ironing in the kitchen and Sandy walks in and asks if she's going to a football game that afternoon. 
She tells Sandy that she and Harry have blown the whistle on football. This surprises Sandy and she asks if both of them have done that. "No, just me," Judith tells her. David Ginola apart, there is nothing about football that appeals to her at all. Talking about whistle-blowing, Sandy says that she's shown Alistair the red card too, not that there was any game being played. 
Judith asks if she's told him, but Sandy hasn't heard from him. Sandy asks "have you?" When she says "no, should I have?" and Sandy answers "hmmmmnn," Judy tells her not to start. The doorbell rings and Judith asks Sandy if she minds getting it. Just then the phone rings and Judy answers it. She says hello several times, but no-one answers. She dials a number. Sandy comes back in with a package and asks who it was and Judy tells her no-one was there. Sandy thinks that is strange because she had a call just like that one that very morning. Did you try 1471, she asks. Judith says that she got "number withheld." Sandy says that they should have some coffee.
Jean comes into the room all excited because she saw the delivery van. She rushes into the kitchen and sees the package. "That's my modem," she says. Lionel, who is right on her tail, tells her that he can barely contain himself. She glares at him. "C'mon, you two," she says to the girls. Judith mildly protests that they were about to have some coffee. "Not you," she tells Lionel. The girls leave and Lionel decides to turn around and follow them.
Jean, Sandy and Judith gather around the computer. Jean hands the modem to Judith who asks why she's giving it to her.
"To fix it up in the machine," Jean tells her. Judy says she doesn't know how to do that. Jean gives it to Sandy, but Sandy tells her that she can't do it either. They know how to use it, but not how to install it, she explains. 
A fat lot of good that does them! Jean asks if a man came with the modem. Sandy opens the box and looks, but doesn't see one. Judy points out that there are instructions, which Jean takes from her. During the entire scene you can see Lionel hiding just outside the door and peeping in at the action every once in a while. When he realizes that Jean will try to install the modem herself he starts laughing out loud. Jean hollers at him to "clear off."
Lionel walks into the kitchen and the telephone rings. He walks out into the hall and shouts "Telephone!" Jean hollers back "break the habit of a lifetime and answer it!" 
He picks up the phone -- it turns out to be Alistair, who asks Lionel to call him Rex. Once he has determined that Lionel is alone, Alistair says he no longer has to call him Rex. At this point in the conversation, the lights go out and Lionel says that they've got a lot of technical people there. "Go on," he says.
Jean is in the hallway, holding a candle by which Lionel can see what he's doing. Lionel is underneath the stairs at the fuse-box. The lights go back on and Lionel says it was done "all without the aid of the internet." 
Jean says he just pressed a button, but Lionel insists it still takes a human being to do that. He gets his coat and says that he is just popping out for a swift half with Rex. Jean never heard of a Rex and wants to know who he is. He tells her that was Rex on the telephone. He starts to walk out the door and Jean asks if he wouldn't like to look at her little booklet first. He pops his head back into the house, saying tempting as that offer was, no thanks.
Lionel joins Alistair at the local pub and asks what all the Rex nonsense was about. Alistair says he called before but hung up. He can't talk to women. 
Lionel asks him if this is a medical condition and he says he can't talk to "your women" -- not after the way he treated Sandy the other day. Lionel tells him that Sandy was not overimpressed and neither were Judy and Jean. "You're okay, with me I mean?" Alistair asks. Lionel tells him that insofar as he's never been stood up by him, yes. He asks again what this is all about. Alistairs says he is in freefall -- zilched -- broke. These sort of things don't happen to Alistair Deacon, he says, but it is happening. Lionel asks how and is told it was the Domino effect: 
"Singapore gets the jitters, Kuala Lumpur catches cold, Rotterdam gets a sniff of it and Frankfurt -- well, we all know Frankfurt. And then before you know it Canada's driving the final nail into the coffin." Lionel asks him if he is using broke as a comparative term. Alistair says he is "stony" -- in fact, Lionel is looking at yesterday's man. Lionel gets up and tells Alistair to come home with him because right now he needs to be with friends. Alistair tells him that they all hate him and Lionel says he should not make difficulties. He puts his arm on Alistair's shoulder and they walk out of the pub.
Jean is reading the modem manual to Herbert and speculating on the meaning of some of its terms when Lionel and Alistair walk into the sitting room. She is startled to be found talking to Herbert, but recovers quickly. Alistair tells her that he owes her an apology, but she says that he owes Sandy one and she hollers for Sandy to come downstairs.
Lionel says that Alistair has something to say to everyone and he goes out into the hall and hollers for Judith. 
Sandy walks into the living room and wonders what all the shouting is about. Then she sees Alistair and tells him that she is glad she missed the film because it got rotten reviews. Lionel tells her to leave Alistair alone for a moment and she says she will do better than that -- she will leave him alone permanently. 
Judith walks in and the minute she hears that Alistair has something to say she decides she doesn't want to hear it. Lionel insists she stay. Lionel asks them all to sit down and listen to what Alistair has to say and he turns the floor over to him to begin. That night when he put Sandy into the taxi, he had just made a phone call regarding his business. The scene fades to show time has passed and when it resumes Alistair is explaining how he was dashing around to plug the holes, but there were too many holes and not enough plugs. Not the best days in Alistair Deacon's life. He gets up to leave.
Jean asks where he is going. He supposes he's going home. Jean tells him not to be silly, he's staying there tonight. She gets up and gives him a big hug. Sandy jumps up and gives him a hug telling him "as I said, it got rotten reviews anyway." Judith gets up and says "poor old Alistair" and gives him hug as well. Jean motions towards Lionel, who says "I did my hug in the pub."
Alistair and Judith hold the hug for a long, long time. Jean says she is going into the kitchen to start supper. Lionel says "already?" Jean replies that it one of her complicated recipe and Sandy tells them she always helps with the complicated recipes. 
The trio goes out into the hallway. Jean quickly closes both doors and Lionel tells her that that was about as subtle as a steamroller. She just thinks that they ought to be left alone. Lionel tells her she can't just start matchmaking. She points out that she is not matchmaking and that when Alistair was telling this sad story it was Judy he was telling it to. Lionel never notices. The two women sigh "honestly" and walk towards the kitchen. Lionel says "I'm not psychic, am I?" and follows.
Judith sits right next to Alistair and seems to have melted completely. She comments on Jean's subtlety and then asks him what's next.
He has been trying to "get his head around that." He knows that the business is gone and the flat will probably have to go as will a lot of other things. All that will be left is -- he hesitates -- him. She asks if that is such a bad thing and he says that he won't be "viable" as me. She informs him that he is one of the most self-centered men she has ever met -- the whole world revolves around Alistair Deacon -- all flash and glam. He agrees and says that that's what he has to offer. He corrects himself: had to offer. That is why Sandy went out with him -- we all knew that -- "A bit of flash and glam after her rugby-playing copper." He tells Judith that the night that Sandy spent the night he didn't even make a move. She tells him that that's what Sandy told him. Well, he points out that that wasn't very flash and glam. Judith says that that was groundbreaking. Alistair tells her that he kept on trying to justify exactly why he did that, but the only reason he actually seems to believe is that he did it because he was thinking of Judith. 
Judith asks him if that was the reason, but he tells her it is all irrelevant now, because the person she is actually sitting next to his "just me". She smiles at that and he tells her it is not funny. She starts to explain: "this just me..." He interrupts her and says that he does not want to talk about him. She asks if it's because Alistair thinks he's a bad bloke. She doesn't think he is -- in fact, she thinks he's a really nice bloke. "Since when was nice enough?" he asks her. She leans her head against his chest.
The next morning Lionel walks into the kitchen holding the newspaper. He asks Jean why they are starting to take the local paper and she says it is so that they can keep up with the local affairs. He observes that they are "back to keeping up". She asks if he has finished with his early morning grumble. 
Only when he says yes, does she say good morning. Judith walks in, yawning. Sandy follows soon after and asks where Alistair is. "In bed, isn't he?" Judith answers. Sandy says that she crept into the room to get some clean clothes and saw that he had gone. Judy wonders what he has done. Jean tells her not to panic and says that there must be a perfectly rational explanation for his disappearance. She starts to follow the girls who have rushed out of the room, but then hesitates and looks at Lionel saying "isn't there?" Lionel, who is so busy with his newspaper that he doesn't even bother to look up, says "is there?"
The girls go into the living room where they find a message from Alistair which reads "You're on the net, so was I, Love Alistair". She wonders what that means, but Jean can see that "he's fitted the modem." She is absolutely delighted. She wants to know how they can get to the "internet bit". Sandy clicks and smiles and says "there!" Jean is absolutely amazed. She reaches out to touch the screen, eyes open wide "Look at that!" she says. 
Meanwhile Lionel walks into the room suggesting they could have sausages for breakfast. No-one pays attention to him. He says it again and Jean gets up and leaves the room, but not happily. Lionel stays back to glare at the computer and he looks directly at it saying "we are not going to be friends, you and I."
Lionel and Jean are finishing their lunch. 
He complains that there is nothing in the "local rag" and Jean asks why, then, is he reading it. He is looking at the lonely hearts column. She feels compelled to ask why and he answers that when she marries that computer he will need it to find some companionship. She tells him that the internet is interesting and that being on it makes her feel very modern.
She is distracted and starts to remove his plate before he has completely finished. She starts to leave the room and Lionel complains because she was at the computer all morning, she just had lunch in about 3 minutes and now she is tearing back into the other room. She tells him that she is not tearing anywhere and that, if he wants, she will sit and chat.
She sits down and looks at him and says nothing. "Or...I could sit and watch you read the newspaper," she says. He tells her that there is something of interest in it. She imagines an ad -- "beautiful blonde seeks amazing relationship with ageing internet-hater?" He shows her an article about Harry with the headline Local Police Constable Breaks Leg in Rugby Match. "Poor Harry," she says and tells Lionel to save the paper to show her. "He's just an Ex," Lionel says, but Jean tells him that you never know.
Jean leaves the room and Lionel continues to read his newspaper. 
The telephone rings, but Lionel does not get up to answer it. Jean walks in slowly and stares at him. Still, he does not move. Jean answers the telephone and is surprised to hear Alistair's voice. She is still more surprised when she learns that he is in Zurich. He is flying back and tells Jean to tell Judith that they forgot about Copenhagen. "Who forgot Copenhagen?" Lionel asks when she tells him what Alistair said. Jean says it is obvious; then admits that she has no idea.
Jean, Judith and Sandy are at the computer again. 
Jean says that it must mean something. Sandy tells her it means "wait," but Jean explains that she is talking about Alistair's message -- who forgot Copenhagen? Judith is no help -- she says that it can't be the Danes. The telephone rings. Lionel, who is sitting on the couch still reading the newspaper, says "...if one of you technophiles could tear yourself away..."
The phone caller is Harry and he is asking Sandy out for supper that evening. Everyone stops doing what they were doing and listens to Sandy's side of the conversation. She tells Harry that she doesn't think so. She tells him that they have been through all this before, but he obviously interrupts her and she says "for the whole season?" Then she tells him okay, but he'd better mean it. She hangs up the phone and announces to everyone "Harry says he is giving up Rugby for the whole season!" She appears to be very happy about this turn of developments. 
The doorbell rings and she says that she will answer it. Meanwhile Lionel leans towards Jean and whispers "You didn't tell her about the leg!" Jean points out that he didn't either. "What leg?" Judith asks. They tell her about Harry's broken leg and she starts to run after Sandy to tell her, but Jean stops her and tells her to give them a chance because they might get it together. "Or," Judith says, "Sandy will kill him."
It was Alistair who rang the doorbell. He comes into the sitting room and tells them that it was quite sunny in Zurich. Lionel doubts that he went all the way to Zurich to find out what the weather was like. No, he didn't. He went because they forgot about Copenhagen. Jean asks who forgot Copenhagen. 
"The bad guys," says Alistair. He says that they zapped Sven in Sweden, but forgot Carl in Copenhagen. He emailed Carl, Carl emailed Zurich and all of a sudden there was a chink of light. He assures everyone it is all very simple, but they don't understand. He starts to explain again, but Judith just wants the bottom line. Alistair tells them he is down, but not out. He has managed to hang on to enough money to keep his head above water. Jean tells him that is good news and Alistair tells them that after the last couple of days he's had, that is great news. He asks Judy to go with him to pop a few champagne corks to celebrate. She thinks if his head is just above water they should settle for a bottle of red somewhere. And, he asks, what about the older folks who he has come to think of as mom and pop? 
Lionel tells him that they can't go with him because they take all their evening pills 'round about that time. Alistair looks at them and says "I couldn't actually call you mom and pop, could I?" Together they say a very definite "No!" Alistair says he will work on it. He tells Judith that he hopes she really likes this "just me" guy, because he thinks he will be struggling for a while. He doesn't think he managed to salvage more than one and a half million. Judith looks stunned. "Well you wouldn't want me actually to be poor?" he asks, noting that nobody could be that self-sacrificing. They leave the room.
Lionel whispers to Jean: "one and a half million." She tells him not to go on about the money. Love, she thinks, is in the air. He calls her a hopeless romantic. She supposes she is. Jean gets up to go to the computer.
Lionel says "not that thing again!" The lights go out and Jean swears she didn't touch it. She manages to find a candle and brings it back with her to the couch. She puts it on the coffee table and says she'll get some more, but Lionel tells her that one is enough and she's the romantic so she should come and sit down by him. She asks if he's sure he didn't fix it for the lights to go off. He tells her that even with his immensely long arms he couldn't reach from there to the cupboard under the stairs. 
They lie back next to one another on the couch. "It is romantic," she says. He agrees and smiles and she asks why he's smiling. He tells her he was thinking of the things one can still do that require no technological expertise at all. She pokes him in the stomach with her elbow and says "Oh, Lionel, you are a rascal." He says he has his moments. They laugh and Jean leans her head on his shoulder while Lionel kisses her on the forehead.