the world will always welcome lovers...

EPISODE THREE	............	CAST LIST	............	TRIVIA QUIZ	............

Lionel is bothering no-one: he's relaxing in the living room while reading his newspaper when the telephone rings. Jean, who is in another room, hollers "telephone." Lionel doesn't move. The phone rings again. Jean gets louder: "TELEPHONE." Lionel sighs, puts down the newspaper and tells Jean he will answer. As he moves towards the phone, Jean's footsteps on the stairs can be heard. She cuts in front of Lionel and tells him to get out of her way so she answer the phone and nearly knocks him over in the process. Jean looks horrified and tells the person on the other end that he'd better tell Alistair, but then realizes he can't. "Goodbye ... and good luck," she says and then walks over to Lionel and explains that the best man has broken his leg and won't be able to attend the wedding. He tells her that it's bad luck, but Jean doesn't think so: "The man's a fool!" she concludes. Although Lionel thinks that's a bit of a harsh judgment, Jean explains that this man who was the best man is Gaston, a ski instructor. When Lionel concludes he was not much of a ski instructor if his leg was broken, Jean indicates that was the basis of her judgment.

Lionel mentions that Alistair has gone to see his man in Harley Street and Jean asks if it is because of his toe. He appears surprised at first, but slips right into the game saying he supposes that's the reason. Jean is ruffled by the answer because she thought everything was okay with the toe and doesn't understand why he had to go back to the doctor. She begins to pace and then announces that Lionel will have to be best man. Lionel explains to her that it is he who will be giving the bride away and it is not possible for him to be in two places at once. She tries to phone Alistair and screams "JUDY." Judy and Sandy are upstairs packing and Judy screams back "YES, I'M COMING." Sandy observes that for a small woman Jean has a very loud voice. Judith wonders what her mother is panicking about this time. Sandy tells her that she appears to be so very calm, to which Judith replies that one of the two has to be. She is concerned because Alistair seems to be acting very "odd" -- odder than usual. He has been getting very emotional, very quickly -- he keeps looking as though he wants to cry. Jean screams louder and Judith screams back at her. Sandy remarks that she, too, has a loud voice and tells her to go downstairs.

Lionel is stunned. "Rocky?" He doesn't understand why Judith wants him to be best man. Jean and Judy don't understand why not. "Because he is at least half-way 'round the bend," Lionel tells them. They explain that Rocky is very sweet and that Alistair considers him a soulmate and that, most importantly, this is the eleventh hour and he will do it, if asked. Jean thinks it is settled, then and starts to phone Rocky to tell him he will be the best man. Judith interrupts, saying the news would be best delivered by Alistair. Jean does not make the call, but asks "Where is Alistair?" Lionel doesn't know, but says Alistair said he'd be coming straight around. Jean tells him "Straight can mean anything, can't it?"

When Alistair hears about the "selection", he's delighted and thinks it is the most natural choice in the world. Judy tells him she's sorry about Gaston, but Alistair thinks it is probably a blessing in disguise because Gaston is a bit "Gallic" and tends to get overexcited at times. Jean is listening at the door and is surprised when Judith opens it to tell her that Alistair likes the idea of Rocky's selection. Jean gets defensive, insisting that she was "just passing the door."

She walks into the living room where Alistair is sitting and asks him how his toe is. He looks confused until Jean explains that Lionel told her he went to see the man about a toe. Then he remembers the story and assures her that the toe is fine -- a hundred percent functional. "So why did you have to see him again?" she asks. He struggles for an answer, which turns out to be that the thing just had to be "rubber-stamped." Jean begins to have her doubts. Lionel walks into the room and tells Alistair he is thinking of going out for a swift half. Alistair starts to get up to join him, but Jean tells Lionel she's just been talking to Alistair about his toe. "Which foot was it?" she asks. Lionel looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Alistair wiggles and crosses his left foot and Lionel quickly says the left one. "Which toe?" asks Judith. Alistair begins to hold up some fingers, but the two women turn to face him and he quickly pretends he is looking at his nails. The game is ended. Sit down here please, Jean says to her husband, pointing to a spot on the couch. Both women look at the men and say "Well?" Lionel admits that the "toe thing" was made up. Jean tells him that they have already worked that out for themselves. He dismisses it as a harmless deception, but Jean still wants to know why. Alistair says "to cover up for the crying."

The women both remember things that happened earlier which now make some sense to them. Jean says that she figured when he actually did cry a few days earlier it was just a one-off. Alistair explains that it wasn't -- he cried a lot and got over-emotional about the wedding and lots of things: old films, bits of music, puppies. Both Jean and Judy feel badly for him, but he assures them that he's over it. Lionel says it was only a side-effect in the first place. "A side-effect to what?" Jean asks. Alistair talks about the panic attacks. "Oh, this gets worse!" announces Jean. Alistair continues -- he talks about how the panic attacks caused him to swoon and the medication to stop the swooning made him start crying. He grins and announces that he's got new medication now and it works and now everything is okay. Jean looks worried and wonders if there are possible side-effects to his medication. He tells them that he was told the chances are "remote." Jean puts her hand to the side of her face; Judith looks terrified.

Rocky -- in full military dress - is going over a parrot joke back in the living room of his home at Hampshire. Mrs. Bale is listening to his speech, as she looks at a print-out of it. Rocky tells her he is pausing for laughter at that point and Mrs. Bale informs him that he should not plan on pausing for too long. She reminds him that this is a wedding and not a stag night in some vulgar club. She goes on to say that the Best Man's speech should not be a succession of unfunny jokes, but rather should be some affectionately humorous remarks about the groom and it should conclude with a toast to the bridesmaid and while he does mention Sandy, Mrs. Bale tells him that she does not think "a right little cracker" and "a great pair of pins" are suitable. He tells her that he supposes she doesn't approve of his uniform either, but she assures him that he looks quite dashing. Coming from her, Rocky thinks that borders on the effusive. There is a knock at the door and it turns out to be Lol.

Lol enters looking like a stuffed sausage in his uniform. He looks as though he cut himself shaving and has a piece of paper on his face. He tells them that he's sorry, but it's off. At first Rocky thinks that Lol is talking about the wedding, but it turns out that the plan for them both to attend the wedding in uniform is no longer possible -- well, at least not for Lol. It seems that he's "expanded out of" his. He asked his mother if she could help, but she didn't have any genuine khaki. (She suggested they use a bit of brown velvet 'round the back, but he didn't think it would look right.) He says that he will just wear his Sunday suit then. Mrs. Bale assures him that he will look fine. Lol says he and his brothers will bring the flowers 'round in the morning and Rocky thinks it is pretty last minute, but Mrs. Bale says that it is perfect because they really want them to be fresh. And the grubstakes are totally organized, the church looks lovely and Lol tells them that his mother has finished knitting the gloves for the bride. Rocky is convinced that the wedding will be perfect and asks Mrs. Bale what the weather will be like. The shipping forecast says it will be choppy in the channel, but that it will not affect them. Mrs. Bale thinks they should be "raising a glass" and Rocky agrees -- he asks her to fix three of her "Spitting Cobras."

Lionel sits alone in the kitchen staring into a glass of wine. He sighs and Sandy walks in and asks if he is suffering from combat fatigue. He says that he promised to stack the dishwasher, but that actually he is buying time. He offers some wine and then gets up to get it for her. Jean walks in nervously wanting to know why they are in the kitchen and Sandy says she is there to help him stack the dishwasher. He grins. "Talk about leaving things until the last minute." Sandy says that the wedding is "tomorrow." But Jean is not talking about the wedding; she says that Penny telephoned to say that she and Stephen will be coming after all. "No invitation to tea with HMQ, eh?" Lionel asks, to which Jean says "apparently not." Sandy thinks it's weird that Stephen got an OBE for services to dentistry and they haven't seen them since. Sandy figured they'd be around the house showing off, but Jean tells her that she supposes that they are the hoi polloi now. Lionel thinks that Penny has to do the whole of Hampshire first. Jean starts her next sentence "Talking of the wedding...." Both Sandy and Lionel groan. She insists they listen. It is her feeling that they should leave for Hampshire at 6 in the morning so that they can be there by 8 a.m.. Lionel reminds her that the ceremony is not until 3, but she tells him that Judy and Sandy have to change. "Yes," says Sandy. "We shall need seven hours." Jean recognizes sarcasm when she hears it. Sandy apologies and says "Six will be fine, won't it Lionel?" Lionel agrees and looks at the paper Jean is carrying about with her and asks what it is. She tells him that she was going to do a seating plan, but because it is a buffet, she will do a standing plan. Lionel tells her that she cannot tell people where to stand. He wants her to have a drink (which suddenly appears on the table top). Sandy leans over and looks at the paper. "What are those interlocking red hearts?" she asks. Jean pulls the paper back and tries to hide it. Eventually she says "that's you and Harry." Oh, she knows, Mrs. Make-everything-right.... but, Lionel tells her that he knows she worked her socks off and everything will be fine tomorrow. She wishes she had his confidence. He observes that she has checked everything more thoroughly than the CIA could ever aspire to and asks what could possibly go wrong. She is worried about Alistair. Assuming that he doesn't faint or burst into tears, she wonders what else he might do.

Just as the car pulls in front of the country home Lol sets off a rocket. Rocky promised there would be no fireworks, Jean says, but Lionel tells her that Mrs. Bale allowed Lol one rocket to herald their arrival. He is dressed in his Sunday best -- with a bold multi-colored too-tight vest under his brown suit jacket. Jean is afraid she's on the early side, but Lol assures her that everyone has been up for hours -- in fact, Mrs. Bale is doing a fry up for them all. The girls turn to one another and grimace. When Jean worries that they have so much to unload and that he will need some help, he tells Jean not to worry because his brothers are all going to pitch in. In fact, the whole village is mobilized. Then he walks over to Sandy and tells her that his brothers send their regards. Just then Rocky pops out of the bushes in full uniform and Jean is taken by surprise. "Good Lord!" she says when she sees him and starts to giggle, but tells him he looks marvelous. Lol reaches into his pocket to get his mother's present to Judith. He was told that he had to give them to her personally. He explains that the gloves are a tradition. She appears to be startled by this, but she smiles and shows the "lovely" woolen gloves to Sandy. Lol tells her that she doesn't need to wear them at the ceremony. Perhaps on the honeymoon, though. Sandy grins and tells Judy that it could match her going away dress.

Jean walks into the living room right past an elderly woman who is sitting in a chair with her back to the wall. She checks the room and in so doing turns around and is startled by the sight of the lady, who simply smiles at her and says "I'm 82." Not much more that Jean can say except "Are you really!" Lionel walks through the door and announces that Alistair has arrived, but he's only just seen the car so he doesn't know how he's holding up. Lionel, too, turns around and sees the woman. He asks Jean who it is and Jean tells him she hasn't got the faintest idea. Mrs. Bale runs into the room to announce that the groom has arrived, but that it is okay because she's secured the bride to her room. Jean motions with her head asking who that woman is. Mrs. Bale tells her it is Mrs. Twillet, the flower watcher. "The what?" Jean asks and Mrs. Bale repeats herself. Apparently the Twillets have always done it. When Jean asks why the flowers need to be watched Mrs. Bale says that no-one remembers, but they wouldn't want to break with tradition. Jean is worried and asks Alistair how he is, and he tells her to just think of Lake Placid....and that's him. He turns and sees Mrs. Twillet sitting in the corner and asks who she is. Lionel tells him that she's apparently an old village custom. Alistair turns on the charm and bows towards Mrs. Twillet, wishing her a good afternoon. She beams at him and speaks to him in a voice not unlike that of the Glinda, the good witch of the North. He walks back over to the couch, compliments Jean and Lionel, announces that it's getting pretty soon to the ceremony and that Rocky's busy polishing his medals. He assures them that he's absolutely fine and tested himself on the way by looking at some lambs and not going to tears. Jean wonders how long Mrs. Twillet will stay and Lionel tells her that she looks set in for the summer. Just then Mrs. Bale comes into the room and bangs a gong right in front of Mrs. Twillet and announces that not a petal has dropped. Mrs. Twillet then sings her reply: "nor shall they -- they are saved." She walks over to Alistair and says he must be the bridegroom. He tells her she is correct. She puts two fingers on his forehead and says "that's that, then. Goodbye" and she walks out of the room. Jean's mouth hangs open. Alistair asks Mrs. Bale what that's about and she tells him that nobody remembers. Lionel says that the Witchfinder General would have a whale of a time down here.

Mrs. Bale informs Jean that she has to be at the church in three and a half minutes. Lionel notices that she's been very quiet and Jean confirms that although she has panicked in the last few days but she is very calm now. Alistair agrees saying that everyone is calm. "One is calm...." and then he claims he is paralyzed. He can't move his legs. Lionel looks annoyed. Jean tells him he's fine. He starts to panic and says that it must be a side-effect, no a DOUBLE side-effect combined with the stuff he was taking for the fainting. "What am I gonna do?" he cries. Jean stands up and tells him to shut up. She is tired of hearing about side-effects and what he's feeling now is just a blue funk and if he thinks that she is going to let him spoil Judith's day he has another think coming. She points out the door and tells him to get up and get to that church and "marry my daughter." Alistair jumps up and starts to walk, but limps and holds his hip. He looks at Lionel and tells him that is some lady he's got there. He asks Jean where she learned "tough love." She learned it long before there was a fancy name for it. Rocky comes to the door and tells Alistair to come. Alistair leaves and Lionel says that now he can't move his legs now. Jean says she'll see him in church. He says he'll see her in church .... and, incidentally, will she marry him. She thinks about it and says, "oh, all right."

Lionel takes a paper from his vest pocket and begins to speak "...which reminds me of a very funny story about a parrot with no feet...." Just then Judy walks into the room and very shyly tells Lionel she is ready. He confirms that they are starting on the left foot. He walks towards her and says that her father would have been very proud of her. She thanks him. "So am I, as a matter of fact," he tells her as he puts his arm around her and guides her out of the room.

The guests are assembled at the church. Jean is sitting with Penny and asks where Stephen is. "Who?" is Penny's reply. Jean repeats and Penny just points her program towards the rear and says he's back there somewhere. Jeans asks why he is not sitting with her and Penny tells her that she is not speaking to him. As she is about to explain, the music signals the arrival of the bride. The congregation rises and sure enough, Judith appears on Lionel's arm, followed by Sandy.

Rocky and Alistair wait as the trio makes its way up the aisle. Harry smiles lovingly as Sandy passes. Jean and Penny smile at the couple walking down the aisle. When all four of the principals are gathered at the front of the church, the vicar asks the congregation to be seated. Everyone but Penny sits down and then she looks sort of disgusted and sits down.As the vicar speaks there are glimpses of the congregation. At first a young boy can be seen playing with his gameboy during the ceremony. He sits next to Stephen, who is watching him and who appears to be disgusted by the boy's lack of respect for the wedding vows. He takes the Game Boy away from the youngster. Lol is sitting with Mrs. Bale and both are crying although Lol is much noisier. He blows his nose loudly into a big red handkerchief. The vicar asks who is giving the bride away. Lionel says that he is (at which point he's supposed to go sit down) and continues to stand with Alistair and Judith. The vicar moves his head to indicate Lionel should take a seat at which point he does and nearly sits on his top hat. Fortunately Jean pulls it out from under him and presents it to him.

The vicar nods at the point at which he is supposed to produce the ring, Rocky has some trouble. He reaches into the pants pocket of his uniform and pulls out a handkerchief and a lot of mothballs which apparently were in it fall on the floor of the church. Finally he finds the ring and puts it into the tray which is presented to him by the Vicar. As the couple recites the vows, another little drama is taking place. Lionel and Jean look towards Harry, who is smiling at Sandy, who is smiling right back at him. In the meantime, we get another glimpse of Stephen. Finally the vows have been completed and Judy and Alistair are married. He gives her a kiss and a hug as Jean proudly looks on.

Outside the church, the wedding guests and bridal party are saying "cheese" and smiling for pictures. Then the scene shifts to the living room of the country house where Sandy is practically accosted by Jean who is with Harry. "Look, it's Harry!" she says, as if this were a big surprise. Jean offers Harry another drink, which he doesn't really want, but she reminds him it is a wedding. Sandy was speaking with a woman who Jean leads away -- saying she wants her to meet some people she'd like her to meet. Her work with Judith is obviously done sinice she is married and now she leaves it in Harry's hands to handle Sandy. Finally they are alone. Harry tells her she looks lovely. Sandy asks when he's leaving and Harry tells her that he doesn't have to go because he has the whole weekend off. He doesn't understand that she is referring to his leaving for Canada. When she tells him, he sadly says "Wednesday" and she appears surprised because it is so soon. Awkwardly he repeats that she looks lovely and she blames it on the dress. He assures her it is not the dress. As the tension between them grows they are interrupted by Rocky who recognizes Harry as "the mountie." Harry corrects him and says that he is simply going on attachment with the mounties. The crowd grows as Judith approaches and asks Sandy if she can spare a moment. This leaves Harry alone with Rocky, who doesn't understand why he isn't taking her with him to Canada. "I haven't asked her," Harry tells him to which Rocky replies that he doesn't look like a simpleton. Harry explains that he is "only a copper" and doesn't have a lot to offer her. And Canada is another continent and far away. Rocky thinks that what Harry needs is a spot of Dutch courage -- "drink up" he says. Harry says that he isn't used to champagne, but they clink glasses and have a drink. Lionel and Jean look over at them and notice that Judy's taken Sandy away. Lionel suggests that perhaps Jean picked the wrong place to arrange a tryst.

Stephen makes his way through the guests towards Jean and Lionel at the same time that Penny comes through the other side, saying "stop following me about." Stephen looks confused and tries to explain that he's come from the other direction, but she is having none of it. Jean begins to get shrill and asks what is wrong with the two of them. Penny tells her to ask Stephen and Jean nods towards him. "Stephen?" Before he can open his mouth to speak, Penny interrupts and says that she may as well tell them. It seems that Stephen turned down the OBE. They don't understand. Stephen explains that it was "the form." He's never been very good with forms. Penny says that on this form from Downing Street ("as we call it") a person has the option of accepting or declining the award. "I must have ticked the wrong box," Stephen tells them. Neither Lionel nor Jean is able to stifle a grin. Penny isn't amused -- in fact, she thinks it is a public humiliation. Lionel doesn't feel it is a public humiliation if nobody knows about it. Stephen claims that he had the same problem with his last passport application -- the thing went back and forth about ten times before he got it right. Penny chimes in with "...and the Visa application when we went to America..." Jean asks if the same thing happened. Yes, she tells them -- "he ticked the box that time declaring he was mentally unstable -- not far from the truth, is it?" She turns in disgust, again tells Stephen to stop following her and walks off.

Jean asks if Lionel has seen Sandy and he reminds her that he's been with her all this time. She instructs him to go get Rocky away from Harry and then find Sandy. Stephen remembers what he wants to ask Jean: "Have you ever played with a Gameboy?" She looks startled by this question. Meanwhile Rocky is still bending Harry's ear about firkins -- he says that you don't see many of them around any more, but Harry tells him that you can get them at many fish and chip shops. Rocky realizes that Harry has misunderstood and that he is talking about gherkins. Lionel interrupts this discussion and Rocky congratulates him on his speech, particularly on the parrot joke, but Lionel protests that it really didn't go over very well. Rocky tells him that he laughed. Lionel asks to have a word with Harry and Rocky goes off to talk with Sandy. Lionel is uncertain about what exactly to say to Harry, and Harry looks at him and says that he is not worthy of Sandy. Lionel grabs another glass of champagne and tells Harry to drink it and just stand there in that same spot. Lionel walks back to interrupt the conversation of Jean and Stephen (he is telling her how to play with the Gameboy -- it's a matter of which buttons to press) and say that Sandy is back, but being collared by Rocky now. Jean says that if only they had had the seating plan this would not have happened. She tells Lionel to come along and they walk away.

Meanwhile Rocky is saying that if he were Harry and if he were going to Canada -- Sandy interrupts him, saying she doesn't want to appear to be rude, but she doesn't want to listen to any more sentences that begin "if I were Harry." He assures her that the point is taken. Jean and Lionel join them and Jean tells her that she should be talking to Harry. Lionel leads her away, saying that resistance is futile. Jean and Lionel approach Harry, who has his suit jacket off and looks three sheets to the wind. Jean delightedly announces " Harry, look, it's Sandy!" Harry grins and tells her she looks lovely. She reminds him that he's already said that. "Yes, but you do," he slurs. He gulps and starts to ask her the question just as Mrs. Bale enters with her gong and beats it to get the attention of the guests so she can announce that the bride and groom are leaving. Lionel says, "Just hold the thought, Harry." The crowd moves outside.

Everyone has gathered on the lawn. Judith kisses Jean and Lionel and tells them goodbye. Alistair extends his hand towards "pop-in-law" -- Lionel says "Lionel" -- and Alistair tells himi "just this once" and they shake. Then Alistair kisses Jean goodbye and thanks her for "seeing to his leg." Judith asks if this is something she should know about and Jean says "never." They walk towards the car when Jean realizes that Judy forgot the bouquet. She brings it to her and Judy tosses it towards Sandy, but it is caught by Lol, who says he wasn't supposed to be there and then turns it over to Sandy. They drive off in Alistair's Range Rover.

Back in the living room of the country home, Jean is trying to make things right between Stephen and Penny. "How many people do you know who turn down OBEs?" she asks, trying to make it appear as though only a very special person would be capable of doing such a thing. Stephen seems to feel better -- it marks him out as a special individual -- a maverick. Penny asks Jean if she's certain that it doesn't make him look like a complete fool. Jean thinks it makes him look enigmatic. If anyone asks him, he can just say he'd rather not discuss it. He thinks that Jean is making it look positively intriguing and he gets a funny look on his face. Penny asks what he's doing and he says that he is trying to look enigmatic. She informs him that he doesn't look enigmatic -- he just looks vacant.

Meanwhile Lionel asks Jean if they have to stay until the end. She assures him they must and says that she doesn't know where Harry and Sandy are. Lionel wants her not to start with that again. But she thinks it is the perfect moment for Harry to say something. Lionel doesn't think he has the nerve and she should be satisfied with her fifty percent success rate. Lol staggers up to them and says they had a grand do -- one that will go down in British history -- but he should be off now. It's time to tend to his mother. They wonder if he has the cake and he tells them that he does -- "she'll put her best teeth into eating that." As Lol leaves, Mrs. Bale approaches and tells them that the choppy channel came to nothing and she has made up a room for them to spend the night because Lionel shouldn't drive home in his condition. He assures her he doesn't have a "condition" but Jean tells her that would be very nice. Rocky grabs Mrs. Bale's hand, tells her he wants to dance and whisks her away. Lionel asks Jean if she would like to shuffle around and she indicates she will, but only if they smooch. He says "that's taken as read."

As Jean and Lionel get up to dance she notices Harry and Sandy together on the sofa. She excitedly urges Lionel to look and he says "together at last." Jean tells him that where there's life, there's hope and walks towards them. Jean bends down and leans over the back of the couch to take a look at them. Sandy is sitting next to Harry, holding his hand, but Harry is out like a light. Sandy looks up and says "he passed out." Jean gets up and walks away.

Continue to Episode 4
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