Lionel walks into the bedroom and stares at Jean, who is still in bed trying to sleep. She turns over and is startled by the sight of Lionel. She wonders what the heck he's doing. He tells her that he's just looking at her. What for? she asks, holding the cover up to her neck. "I just was," he says. She tells him she doesn't like people looking at her when she's asleep. He wonders how she knows people are looking at her when she's asleep. She doesn't want to have this discussion just now. She wants to know what time it is. He grins and says it's six o'clock. She's shocked and wants to know what he's doing up and dressed at this hour. He seems really proud that he's up so early -- in fact, he tells her that he got up at five. "What on earth for?" she asks. He tells her -- as if it might be news -- that they're getting married today and he wants to give himself plenty of time. She assures him that he's done that. She asks again why he's looking at her. He says he just wants to make sure that she's all right. She tells him that she was fine before he woke her and she's still reasonably fine. Lionel says that she doesn't have to get up just because he's up. Jean informs him that she has no intention of getting up. He finds it strange that she's going back to sleep, but she insists it isn't strange at all. He says he'll leave her to it then. She tries to go to sleep. See you later then, he says. She doesn't answer. Do you want calling? he asks. "No," she tells him. "See you later," he says and doesn't move. She asks if he's looking at her again. He answers that he's going and, finally, he does. It's apparent that he's developing a case of nerves.
Judith and Sandy are awake and keeping Lionel company in the kitchen. He still can't get over the fact that Jean just went back to sleep. Judith says she thinks that's a sensible thing to do. Sandy asks if he wants some toast but he says no because he had some bread and jam around half past five. They can't believe he's been up for so long. He's obviously nervous. He taps his fingers on the table and wonders if Jean should be up by now. They tell him that it's only 8 o'clock, but he hopes that she doesn't leave everything until the last minute. He just can't seem to sit still. He leaves to go for a newspaper. Judith points out that they already have a newspaper but he tells her that he already read that one. Sandy says that he appears to be a bundle of nerves. "What about your mom?" Sandy asks, "What was she like when she married your dad?" Judith looks puzzled and tells her that she wasn't around then. Sandy recovers well from that and asks what Judith thinks Jean will be like. Judith tells her that her mom usually comes up trumps on the big occasions. It's the little ones that she turns into something like an international incident. It is at this point that Jean walks into the kitchen. She tells them that she's glad that that night is over. Lionel never gave her a moment's peace. Sandy smiles and says "ooo-ooh", which must be Sandyspeak for "Hey Hey." Not that she says. She says he was twitching and fidgeting and he even talked in his sleep. She's never known him to do that before. What did he say? Seems he said the word "sturgeon." Is she sure he didn't say "surgeon." Yes, she's positive. Lionel shouted "sturgeon." They tell her that Lionel's been up since 5:30. She tells them it's a pity they don't still have gas lamps in the street. Lionel could have gone round putting them out. She doesn't understand why he's so nervous -- they're hardly a couple of young things, are they? "That's true," Sandy tells her. Jean does quite a double-take when she gives Sandy a dirty look. It was enough to cause both of them to laugh so I'm guessing it was not scripted. Judith asks if she's all right. She's fine, she tells them. She's looking forward to it -- she's happy and she's calm. Sandy asks if she just wants toast for breakfast, but she says no, she wants "the full works." Sandy looks surprised.
Judith answers the doorbell. It's Alistair, who comes in and asks her if "all you beautiful women" are decent. It is a bit early for questions of morality, she says. He tells her that he means decent as in "covered up." He has people to let loose and some of them are guys. She says they're all decent. He opens the door and tells the "team" to get going. Judith wants to know who they are. He reminds her that he is organizing everything. First step, he tells her -- Clean the house. A group of people walk in carrying mops, boxes, a vacuum and a variety of other things. He tells them "disperse, disperse and clean, clean, clean." They go in various directions. He asks if Lionel is cool. Judith tells him that he is overheating at the moment. He wonders where he'll be on the old thermometer if he ever decides to get married. She tells him she wouldn't worry about his old thermometer. If he ever decides to get married he'll be concentrating on steering a straight line with his walking frame. They go into the kitchen for some coffee.
Meanwhile Lionel is walking down the street carrying a newspaper. The pink convertable that Madge was driving when we first met her -- the one with the bull horns on the front -- turns the corner. It isn't Madge who is in it, though. Someone is calling him -- "Mr. Lionel, Mr. Lionel." It's Mrs. Bale, wearing a leather aviator's hat -- the kind with the ear flaps. Seems that she's the trailer car -- Madge and Rocky rode a tandem and she was there as a support vehicle, but they have somehow managed to get lost. Lionel can't believe they chose to cycle to his wedding. Mrs. Bale says they didn't do it all at once, they've done it in stages and have been on the road for three days. She drives away. Lionel stands there and says "what a wonderful start to the day."
Lionel, Jean and Mrs. Bale are in the kitchen. Lionel is complaining -- "they're loonies, the pair of them. It takes an hour by car and instead they decide to take three days on a tandem. He just doesn't get it. Lionel thinks they've set a precedent: her balmy sister-in-law will probably turn up in a hot air balloon, he says. He tells Jean he wants it to be different, to be normal. He asks why they don't know any normal people. Mrs. Bale says she hopes that remark doesn't include her. Jean says "Of course not, Mrs. Bale." And quickly she adds "How's the weather in the channel?" Mrs. Bale actually starts to tell her, but Lionel interrupts and tries to get the subject back in focus. The issue is two old lunatics wandering about Chiswick on a tandem. Jean tries to put it into perspective -- "it's Chiswick, not the Brazilian Rain Forest. Mrs. Bale agrees. It's worsening, by the way, she says. Jean looks at her with alarm. What? she asks. Visibility in Dover Strait, is her answer. The whole day is going to be mad, Lionel thinks. Jean admonishes him -- his vocabulary, she says is getting very limited: everyone is either balmy or loony or mad. Jean asks him if he'd call someone who shouted out the word "sturgeon" in his sleep mad. Lionel grins broadly, laughs and says "yes, I would ... wouldn't you?" She doesn't know -- she'll have to think about it, she tells him.
Out in front of Jean's house Alistair has assembled a group of motorcyclists headed by a scruffy man named Kong, with a beard and a thick Irish brogue. Their mission is to search for Rocky and Madge and bring them to London. They'll tear Chiswick apart brick by brick if they have to, says Kong. No need to do that, Alistair says. They ride off. Judith walks outside and asks Alistair if he called that man Kong. She wants to know if Alistair found him in a cave. No, theirs is a professional relationship -- Alistair is Kong's publisher. The caterers arrive. "This way men," says Alistair. Judith sees a woman gets out of the car and she shakes her head --Men?. Alistair says he was sure he asked for men.
Jean walks into the bedroom and finds Lionel, who has run out of everything else to do, sorting his ties. He doesn't understand why she's not nervous. She tells him she is calm and wants to take a long bath. He doesn't like the "long" part and tells her not to fall asleep in there. She says that everything will be fine. Alistair has organized everything so everything is bound to work out. Kong will find Madge and Rocky and they'll be back and all they'll have to do is turn up and say the words and it's over. Jean is about to take her bath when there is a knock at the door. Sandy comes in and tells Jean that her sister-in-law is there. Jean wants Sandy to get rid of her, but before she has much time to react, Penny comes through the door. Jean thought she was going directly to the registrar's office, but Penny tells her that she knew Jean would be in a state and she knew that she must help her. Jean assures her that she is not in a state. Penny asks Lionel to pop downstairs and have a nice clubby chat with Stephen. He wants to know what about and Penny tells him to chat about whatever it is that men's clubby chats are about. Lionel tells her that he supposes he needs that and he leaves.
Penny closes the door. "I'm here dear," she says. Penny sits her down on the bed and tells her that there's no need to be nervous. Jean tells her she's not nervous, but Penny ignores her. "It's perfectly natural -- all those years alone thinking that the world had passed you by and then at the eleventh hour -- the sheer magnitude of what you're doing." Jean resents "eleventh hour." Penny amends her description, "Well, let's say 10:45 then." Penny insists Jean is nervous. Jean insists she is not. They go back and forth. "I'm trying to calm you down," says Penny. Jean shrieks that she doesn't need calming down. She realizes that she's balled up one of Lionel's ties.
The clubby chat downstairs is not going at all well. The two men are sitting there barely able to think of anything to say. Finally Stephen tells Lionel that he played netball once. Lionel does a double-take. "It's a girl's game," he says. Stephen knows, but they had a forward looking headmistress who insisted on having one boy on the team every week. He didn't get on very well -- he was marked out of the game by a ginger girl with hairy legs. But the point was that he was very nervous before the game. Probably by the thought of having to wear a skirt, Lionel says. Why are you telling me all this? Lionel asks. Stephen says that he is getting around to something. "Pre-wedding jitters?" Lionel suggests. That's it. Lionel reminds him that he's getting married, not playing netball against a ginger girl with hairy legs. The principle is the same, though -- the nerves go the minute the game is on. Stephen is glad they had this little chat. Sandy comes into the living room and says that Mrs. Bale is making tea for everyone in the kitchen. This pleases Stephen and he goes off to get some.
Sandy and Lionel are alone in the living room. She looks at the table that the caterers prepared and comments on how nice it looks. She says that it's good that Alistair took the strain off by arranging everything. He tells her not to start. He doesn't want people to keep telling him not to be nervous. There must be something else for people to talk about, he tells her. He doesn't want to be the center of attention. He didn't start out to be the center of attention. Sandy shakes her head and says this isn't like him. It must be like part of him, he says, he's not somebody else. She bets right now he wishes he were someone else. He tells her that it's just the time. Sandy says he shouldn't have gotten up so early then. No, that's not what he means, he explains. When they lost touch he never stopped wondering what it would be like if he would have married her. Now they're going to be married and he has all those years worth of nerves saved up. She tells him that it is like having a lovely, long dream and not waking up when you get to the best bits. He should be glad that it all came true. "That beats netball," he tells her, but he doesn't want to bother her by explaining it. He tells her that he feels much better and he wonders if there are custard tarts on the table. "Not for a wedding," she says.
Alistair walks in to try to calm Lionel down, but Lionel says he's just fine. Then we have liftoff, he tells him: a cool bridegroom and a cool bride. Jean bursts into the living room in her robe. She's now a bundle of nerves. She can't find anything she's supposed to wear. The whole thing is going to be a complete shambles, she says and runs back out into the hallway. Sandy runs out after her.
The car carrying Jean and Lionel arrives at the registrar's office. Jean speaks through clenched teeth. She can't move her mouth properly, she tells Lionel. It's just tension, he says, and tries to move her jaw. She tells him to stop because it hurts. She feels sick. "You were fine, what went wrong?" he asks. "Penny." She asks if they could just go for a drive. "No, we couldn't," he tells her. Alistair walks up to the car and opens the door. "Hey hey, look at you two." Jean tells him she'd sooner nobody did. Alistair tells them that Kong has found Rocky and Madge and they're on the way. "On the back of a motorbike?" Lionel asks, but Alistair doesn't know. He tells them to go on in and he'll wait for Rocky and Madge outside. Lionel starts to leave but Jean doesn't move. He tells Jean that they don't want to wait another 38 years, do they? She gets out of the car.
They're all sitting in the registrar's office waiting their turn. Jean is a nervous wreck. Lionel takes her hand. Judith warns Penny that if she says one word to Jean before the ceremony she will not be responsible for her actions. Penny turns to Stephen for support, but he agrees with Judith -- she is a "downer" some of the time, he says. Penny informs Stephen she will be talking to him later about that remark. 
The door opens and Alistair walks in announcing that "La tour de Chiswick est arrivee". They are dressed in their florescent biking gear and all apologetic for having cut it so fine. Mrs. Bale is relieved. She blames herself for having lost them. Alistair suggests they all give Kong a big hand. Rocky gives Jean a big kiss -- "In the starting stalls at last," he says. Madge is startled by Jean's hat. Jean assures her it is not real -- it just looks as though it were made of animal fur. They don't have time to change their clothes, but Lionel asks them to at least take their helmets off. Madge says that they want to be given credit for having some sense of occasion. 
Suddenly Jean gets the hiccups. Sandy gets some water. Lionel tells her to take some deep breaths. Penny tells Stephen to do something because he's a dentist. "Boo!" he says, trying to scare her. Penny yells at him and he walks off saying that hiccups are not his field. Sandy comes with the water. Jean drinks some, says that's better...and hiccups. Lionel suggests that she drink from the wrong side of the glass.
The Superintendant Registrar, Mary Wells, comes into the room and introduces herself. She says she, of course, knows Lionel and Jean already. Jean hiccups. The woman asks them to come into the office to complete some paperwork and suggests that the others go to the wedding room. Alistair leads them on to the main event. The registrar suggests that Jean bring the water with her and asks if she's tried drinking from the wrong side of the glass. As they walk out Judith asks Sandy if she brought the tissues. She has them. Someone calls out "Miss." Sandy turns around. It's Kong and he asks if she thinks it would be all right for him to come to the service. Sandy tells him she doesn't think they would mind -- after all he did find the bridegroom's father.
The guests are assembled in the wedding room. There are two empty seats in the front row between Judith and Rocky. The registrar comes in with Jean and Lionel and tells them to be seated. She tells Jean she could breathe out now. She does. Did it work? she asks. Jean hiccups. What should we do? Jean asks. "Press on," says Lionel. The registrar says that before she goes on she wants them to state their full names. Jean says "Jean Mary Pargetter," and she hiccups during the Pargetter. Lionel says "Archibald Heatherington Nastyface." Jean says "It is not." The registrar says she knows it's not and asks why Lionel said that. He says he doesn't know really. Jean says it is the silliest thing she's ever heard him say. "Got rid of your hiccups, though, didn't it," he tells her. She realizes it's true. They both laugh. "Thanks, Archie," she says. The registrar, who appears to be amused, says they'll start again.
The ceremony continues on. The registrar asks them to stand. As they take their vows, Stephen is picking some threads from under the armpit of his suit.
Penny pokes him and he stops. Jean seems to know the vows without waiting for the prompt of the registrar. She speaks quickly and the registrar grins . Lionel puts the ring on Jean's finger. Rocky turns to Madge and she smiles and twitches her nose at him. Sandy and Kong are in the corner crying. Judith looks at Alistair and he appears to be uncomfortable. Mrs. Bale is watching the ceremony, but instead of seeing Jean and Lionel she sees herself being married to Rocky. The registrar says she is pleased to tell them they are now husband and wife. "Rock on," says Rocky.
They are back in their living room. Rocky tells Lionel he wants him to look after Jean. He only wishes that Lionel were more active. Stephen approaches and asks if Lionel's nerves are all right. Lionel tells him he's fine and was always fine. "Then why did you say you were Archibald Heatherington Nastyface?" he asks. Lionel rolls his eyes and asks Rocky to get him a drink. Rocky leads Stephen away -- "Get some bubbles up your nose and I'll explain everything."
Lionel starts to wave across the room. Alistair approaches and asks if he's trying to get a drink. He says no, he was just trying to get a word with Jean. Alistair tells him he'll have plenty of time for that later, but not tonight -- tonight they belong to the world. He'll get to sit next to her at the restaurant later and that'll be a bash and a half. Lionel assumes that Madge will get on the drums. Alistair says she's bound to. Alistair tells him not to look so down -- he'll get Jean all to himself by midnight, the latest. Lionel thanks Alistair for all the hard work that he put into organizing the wedding reception. He tells Lionel that he can't wait until they see what he's got planned for the big send-off. Mrs. Bale interrupts them and tells Alistair that Kong is in the kitchen crying. She asks him to come with her. Jean is in another part of the room talking with Madge and Penny. Madge asks her when she and Lionel plan to leave. Jean says around midnight she'd guess. Lionel catches her eye. She excuses herself and goes to meet him.
Jean wanders around in the hall. She can't find Lionel. "In here," comes a voice from the cupboard under the stairs. Lionel opens the door and pulls her inside. He explains that it is the only free space he could find. He tells her that Alistair has done a wonderful job of organizing everything, but he's done a little organizing of his own. What? "An escape," he tells her. He doesn't want to go to that restaurant tonight. He doesn't want to talk to all those people. He wants to just make a run for it and have her all to himself. He wants to know what she thinks. It's a bit rude, she thinks. Yes. Some people will be offended, she tells him. He says they'll get over it. If he knows Alistair he'll have them all blind-drunk by half past eight. This is our day, not theirs. She tells them he's on. "What do we do now, start tunneling?" she asks. He looks at his watch. He's counting down to zero hour.
Time passes. The house is empty. Judith and Sandy walk in and make sure no-one's lurking around. Obviously they are in on the plan. They knock on the cupboard door and Lionel knocks back. They come out. Judith tells them that the taxi is around the corner and their bags are all ready. "Well done," says Lionel. Jean is surprised by the planning that had to have gone on behind her back to carry this off. They're going across the Scottish border. Jean's thrilled. "I've never been just a pretty face," says Lionel. They can hear the muffled voice of Alistair calling for the dream team -- he wants to know what they're doing. "Running," they say as they race out the door.