Lionel is laboring, trying to walk downstairs with a very heavy suitcase. He doesn't know why anyone would pack an anvil for a weekend in the country. Jean passes in the hallway and asks him why he's muttering. He looks towards the suitcases which are piling up at the foot of the stairs and tells her that she couldn't possibly wear all this in two days unless she planned to change every twenty minutes. She mentions that she thought she heard the word "anvil". "It's called 'planning ahead'," Jean says. If they intend to use the country house at the weekends she wants to bring a few things to keep there. She's nearly ready but not quite -- Lionel makes a sarcastic reference about the kitchen sink and she walks back towards him to tell him she heard that. Jean and Sandy walk in, surprised to find them still at home because they said they were leaving first thing in the morning. Lionel tells them he was in a mood of wild optimism the night before. They observe the many suitcases and wonder if they are only going for the weekend. It seems on the way in they observed that the back seat of the car is already full. Sandy tells him that it's a good thing he has a decent sized car. He's going to trade it in for a Pantechnicon, he says. They think it's better that they leave.
Jean is writing at the kitchen table, which has a couple of boxes that seem to be going to Hampshire with her. She asks Lionel if he has a spanner. She tells him she wants to unscrew the kitchen sink. One of the two boxes on the table contains food. He wants to know why she's taking it. "To eat," she tells him. He reminds her that Mrs. Bale is there and that she's already said she would get food. 
Jean isn't sure that Mrs. Bale will get the kind of food she wants. He doesn't feel that she'll be packing the refrigerator with rhinoceros steaks. He thinks he's made the point until she reaches in and pulls out a package of custard tarts. She asks what he would do if she had forgotten those. Point taken. She tells him that once the boxes are in the car they'll be ready to go. He says he had nearly begun to despair of ever going at all.
Mrs. Bale walks out the front door when she sees the car out front. She tells Lionel that she was expecting them earlier. He tells her "we were expecting us earlier." Mrs. Bale moves towards Jean to take the box out of her hands. She wants to help, but Jean tells her that she's got it and she tries to cover it with her upper body so that Mrs. Bale won't see that she brought food. Too late. Lionel looks at Jean as if to say "I told you so, now you're going to get it." Jean tells her that these are just some extra special things. "Eggs?" Mrs. Bale asks. 
She wants to know why Jean would assume that she would forget eggs. Jean tells her she doesn't even know why she brought them. "I assume you haven't got any custard tarts in there," Mrs. Bale says. Jean looks a little frightened, says "no, no," and rushes into the house. If she had a tail it would be between her legs. Lionel is busy emptying the trunk. Mrs. Bale walks up towards a suitcase which Lionel just struggled to place at side of the car and and looks like she's going to lift it. Lionel tells her to leave it because it is very heavy. "Nonsense," she says and picks it up like it weighs nothing. Jean walks back to the car just in time to pass Lionel who is carrying a box. "Puny," she says. "Eggs," he says to her, with a nasty look on his face.
Mrs. Bale says that she's invented a new cocktail to celebrate the fact that Lionel and Jean have become the new master and mistress of the house. It's called Vrooom. They have a sip. Jean, as she usually does, looks as though she can't stand the stuff, but Lionel tells her that it hits the spot. Mrs. Bale tells him that he sounded just like his father then. He asks if she's heard from Madge and Rocky. They're still in Mongolia. Jean says jokingly that she assumes they've been yak riding. "Several times," Mrs. Bale tells her. Mrs. Bale announces that she's prepared a light lunch with the food that she got in and it will be ready in eighteen and a half minutes. She asks if she should set it up in the sitting room or in the garden. Jean tells her it's a bit chilly to eat in the garden. 
Mrs. Bale says that she supposes so -- for city folks. After she leaves, Jean questions whether or not that was a rebuff. Lionel thinks it was a little dig. Jean wonders what the locals will think of them. "Furriners," jokes Lionel. "Cummin' u' here wi yor fancy Lunnin ways," Jean mocks their accent. 
Jean suggests they go for a stroll into the village after lunch. He wants to know if she wants to buy more food. She just wants to look around. He says that he found getting down there a bit tiring. She thinks that's a dig at her. He's sure that with practice they will get this down to a fine art -- they'll be packed up and ready to go in five or six hours eventually. Jean tells Lionel that if she had the energy she'd get up and hit him. She's tired too. Both of them fall sound asleep.
The door to the sitting room is opened by a man wearing a maroon double-breasted blazer and coffee-brown pants. He's startled to find Jean and Lionel sleeping. Three more people -- two woman and a man -- follow behind him, but he motions her to get out. Just as quickly they come back in smiling and motioning at each other to be quiet. They tip-toe across the room and a woman leans towards Lionel. "Coooo-eee" she shouts at him. Nothing. "Cooo-eee"
Lionel springs up with a start. "What's going on?" he says. The man in the maroon blazer extends his hand. He introduces himself as Alan and motions to the cooo-eee woman standing next to him as Glenys. The other man, who is wearing an orange blazer motions towards himself and the woman he is with and says "And Derek and Dorcas." Lionel says "How do you do?" Jean, who is still half asleep, says "oh shut up." Lionel nudges her. She tells him she was just having a lovely dream. He motions towards the foursome and she gets up and looks at them. Lionel introduces them to Jean, but doesn't remember the women's names -- considering the circumstances it's surprising he remembered the other two. "If this is a bad time..." starts Dorcas. Jean tells them no, it's fine, isn't it Lionel? 
Lionel starts to tell him that he doesn't know what they're doing there but Alan tells him that it was "never an on the dot sort of arrangement." Glenys says that one tends to fall into a pattern. Nothing wrong with a pattern, if it's a pattern that pleases, Derek and Dorcas always say. Jean tells them that's very true. Dorcas says she hopes it isn't an indelicate question, but they did know they were coming, didn't they? Jean tells them of course they knew, they just forgot the time. They all laugh. Lionel looks at Jean in disbelief, as though marriage would cure her from telling a lie. Jean says that she will go and see if Mrs. Bale is laying something on. She tiptoes past them and tells them to sit down. Expectantly, they turn as one towards Lionel. He says he's going to see if Mrs. Bale is laying something on, too. He leaves and closes the door. "Odd couple," says Alan.
Just outside the door Lionel asks who on earth those people are. Jean tells him that she doesn't know. He wants to know why she told them that they were expecting them. "Because they were expecting us to be expecting them," she says. He tells her that that isn't their fault. Jean reminds him that they are new here and they can't let people think that they are inhospitable. They might be squatters for all they know, he says.
Mrs. Bale is walking towards the sitting room with a tray. Lionel asks her who those people are. "Guests," she tells them. Jean says that they didn't invite any guests. Mrs Bale says that they didn't say not to. This makes Lionel wonder if it was Mrs. Bale who invited them. "I wouldn't presume," she says, horrified that he might even think that. Jean asks who did invite them. Mrs. Bale tells them that Mr. and Mrs. Hardcastle, Senior did -- it is a long-standing invitation. The first Saturday of the month has been open house at the Hardcastles for years. "Nobody told us," Lionel pouts. Mrs. Bale says that she can't remember everything. Jean looks at Lionel and says "he's your father." Lionel is painfully aware of that. As Mrs. Bale enters with refreshments there are loud cries of delight coming from the sitting room. They agree that they can't just throw them out. Jean tells Lionel that they'd better get back and it might not be so bad being around these people. Lionel obviously disagrees.
In the middle of the open house Jean runs outside looking flustered. There is a lot of noise coming from inside the house. 
She looks at all the cars in the driveway and then spots the one containing Lionel and shakes her head. He's got the seat folded back and he's reading the newspaper. She shields her eyes from the glare and peeks in. Then she opens the door and tells him that she's on her own inside. No she's not, he says -- there are hundreds of them in there. She didn't know that half the county was going to turn up and he isn't helping anything sitting outside skulking. He's not skulking. What is he doing -- servicing the car? she asks. She gets in and sits beside him. It isn't easy for her to deal with all these strangers, she tells him. Well, they're not strangers to each other. They realize that this must have cost Rocky and Madge a fortune. "Us, from now on," she remembers. Next month she suggests that they put out the word that they have measles and are under quarantine. He wonders what they'll do the month after that -- say they have swamp fever? He tells her that since she's a nurse she must know that they can't have measles every month. She suggests that they could say that Lionel was unhinged. When he doesn't appear to like that suggestion, she asks if he has any better ideas. He thinks they should just never come up there on the first Saturday of the month. Jean feels that those people would show up regardless. She tells him that they'd better go back and play hosts. As they get out of the car, Alan shouts "There you are." He tells them to come in because they're about to start a game.
It seems to be hours later. It's dark outside and the sound of the last car pulling away is heard. They're tired and relieved. They close the door and Jean says that at least they didn't stay for dinner. Lionel tells her that it crossed his mind that they might be expecting them to put them all up for the night. She says if they had, Alan would have organized a feast in the dorm. They turn on the lights in the sitting room -- not quite clear about why they were off -- and Lionel tells her that the main thing is that they have the next three weekends all to themselves. Jean doesn't look as though that is really the case. He asks her what's wrong? She says that Alan told her that on the second Saturday everyone goes to him and Glenys'. "Oh my God," he laughs. And then on the third Saturday they go over to Derek and Dorcas'. And on the fourth Saturday? Everyone goes over to Tim and Janes. Lionel observes that it's like a travelling circus. "You didn't say 'yes' to any of this, did you?" he asks. Not in so many words, she tells him. She didn't say 'no' in so many words either. You can't just turn them down flat, she says. Lionel tells her that they've got sucked into the county set. At least they've got Sundays, Jean says. Lionel wouldn't bank on those either, he says.
Lionel and Jean are taking a leisurely stroll in the village.
"This is more like it," he tells her. She says that she told him they'd have their Sundays. He almost went to church that morning, he says. She wonders why he didn't mention that at the time. He fell back asleep while he was considering it, he tells her. She starts to talk about the country set, but he asks her not to spoil their Sunday. He prefers to go to the pub and have a drink before lunch. Better idea, she thinks. Lionel stops in his tracks, though, because he recognizes some of the cars that are parked outside the pub as having been parked in their driveway the day before. 
"They're all in there," he says and he stares ahead like a trapped animal. Jean calls him paranoid and wonders if he memorized all the license plate numbers, too. He wants to go to another pub. When Lionel points out the car belonging to Derek and Dorcas, Jean comes round to his way of thinking. As they cross the street to find another pub, Alan and Glenys drive up and speak to them through their car window. They forgot to mention that the gang meets at the pub on Sundays for lunch. He tells them to come in -- "last one to the bar is a sissy."
They're back in their sitting room and Lionel is muttering. 
"The gang....we're in a gang now." She says that Dorcas wants her to join the WI. Next week, says Jean, they're going to a pub in the next village. Lionel tells her that it's probably an affiliated gang -- same people, different names. They are interrupted by a shout and they leap towards the couch and chair to pretend they are sleeping. It's Alistair, Judith and Sandy who all shout "Surprise."
Time passes. Jean walks into the sitting room with a tray of drinks. Alistair apologizes, saying it is all his fault. Sandy says that she thought it was a good idea at the time, but they should have realized. Lionel and Jean explain that it's not that they're not happy to see them, but they haven't had any time to themselves.
"We're in a gang, you see" Lionel tells them. Mrs. Bale enters and gives them weather information and then asks how many there will be for lunch. They argue. The kids want to leave because they feel that they've been enough of an imposition. Jean insists they stay. Judith, Jean and Sandy all say they feel awful. Mrs. Bale summarizes that they've established that everyone feels awful but now she needs to have a decision on how many will be there for lunch. Jean again insists that they stay. That's settled then -- there will be five for lunch. Lionel, who is looking out the window says "seven." Jean tells him not to be difficult. He's not being difficult. He sees that Penny and Stephen are arriving.
Penny, Judith and Jean walk down the stairs -- probably after taking a tour of the house. Penny comments about how big it seems for two people.
She tells Jean that if she lived in a house like that she'd probably ramble around and keep losing herself. "Forever?" Jean asks, with a mischievous glance at Judith. Penny says obviously not -- otherwise she'd never be seen again. Seems the possibilities have completely gone over her head. She tells Jean not to worry about the size of the house and ignores it when Judith informs her that Jean isn't worried. 
Penny advises Jean to look on the bright side: she's now got plenty of room for house guests and she and Stephen live only an hour away and can stay the whole weekend whenever they want them to. "Close as that?" says Jean. When Penny turns her back to have a peep into the library, Judith pretends she has a gun in her hand, points it at her aunt and makes a noise like a kid makes when he pretends to have a gun -- POW!. Penny asks if Judith coughed -- could be the dampness. She tells Jean to come with her into the library. Jean looks at Judith and whispers that she should come, too, but Judith will have none of it. She goes the other way.
Lionel looks as though it's his first chance in a long time to relax. He brings his newspaper into the sitting room and sits down. He unfolds it and starts to read. It's then that Stephen opens the door and walks in. There you are, he says. Lionel seems to be giving up the fight. He breathes out and confirms that yes, there he is. Stephen asks if Lionel minds if he joins him. Lionel does his best to be polite and tells him that of course he doesn't mind. Lionel offers him part of the newspaper, but Stephen declines, telling him that he gives himself a day off from reading the newspapers on Sunday. Lionel asks it's okay for him to read. Stephen tells him to go ahead.
He does. He's trying to give them up on Saturdays as well. They're much too depressing. He might decide to cut them out altogether and then he could work his way back -- starting with Friday and then Thursday.... "And so on," says Lionel, who doesn't look at all impatient, although you can probably bet his skin was crawling. And then Wednesday, says Stephen. Lionel tells him he's got the gist. You'd imagine Stephen would stop then, but instead he says "and on to Tuesday." He waits a few seconds. "Then Monday." For just a moment Lionel's nostrils seem to flare. "And of course Sunday would be all right because I've cracked that already," says Stephen. It seems by then that Lionel has found the humor in this because he breaks into a smile, as one might with a child. "Jolly good," he says. It's quiet -- but only until Stephen proposes a new plan: he could do the whole thing the other way around and give them up on Monday to start with. Lionel says nothing. "Then Tuesday..." That did it. "Look," Lionel says, as he closes his newspaper, "if you want to give up the newspapers, why don't you just give them all up at one fell swoop." Stephen tells him that's a bit Draconian. Lionel lets out a growl of frustration, and picks up the paper again to try to hide it. Stephen wants to know if he's okay. He's fine -- he's having a lovely weekend. Stephen tells him it'll probably be like that every weekend with guests all over the house.
Just then Penny bursts in and asks Stephen what he knows about woodworm. She thinks that there may be woodworm in the libary. Lionel asks if she'd like to check the cellar for rats while she's at it. She's surprised that Lionel hasn't thought to do that already, she says. Alistair, Judith and Sandy walk into the sitting room and tell them that it's time for them to leave. Jean protests but they say they don't want to overstay their welcome. Jean and Lionel walk them to the door and stand looking back at Stephen and Penny as though they're waiting for them to leave. They don't move so they actually have to approach this aggressively. Jean says "Looks as if the party's breaking up." Penny tells them that they don't have to go for ages. They're practically neighbors, Stephen says. They all sit down. Stephen tells them that they were talking about his giving up the newspaper. Penny says he's been talking about that for months. "I know they lay eggs," he tells them. They don't know what he's talking about, but he's still thinking about woodworms. Penny suggests they play Scrabble. You can tell by the look on Lionel's face that that's one of the last things he wants to do, but Jean indicates that they'll play.
Lionel makes the word furze. Penny tries to make a word, but Lionel tells her there is no such word. She insists on their producing a dictionary. Jean tells her that she won't go into the library to get one because she doesn't want to be savaged by woodworm. She settles the argument by allowing the word -- saying it is not an international competition but simply a friendly game. Stephen proposes a word that Jean won't allow even in a friendly game. Finally he comes up with something: he has a "P" and if he removes the "C" from cottage and substitutes the "P" that he has, he'll make the word "pottage." He obviously doesn't play Scrabble very often. Jean tells him he's not allowed to do that. He's pretty sure he's played that way before. Penny starts hollering at him about who he's been playing Scrabble with that she doesn't know about. Jean is frustrated and makes the word "flug." Lionel says "flug?" Just then Mrs. Bale walks in and tells them that she needs to give them the news she heard on the Shipping Forecast. Penny wants to know if it is relevant. She tells her that it is: Hampshire will be shrouded in thick fog within the hour. Penny apologizes for having to dash off like this, but they'd better leave even though it looks perfectly clear outside. Lionel and Jean walk them to the front door. As Mrs. Bale is clearing the dishes she looks at the Scrabble board. "flug?" she says to herself.
Stephen assures Lionel that he will keep him posted on his efforts to give up the newspaper. Lionel will find that fascinating. Penny assures Jean that next time they will stay the whole weekend. They close the door and Jean says "God Bless the Shipping Forecast." 
Lionel stops Mrs. Bale in the hallway and asks if it isn't very odd that she should hear about a dense fog in Hampshire on the Shipping Forecast. Mrs. Bale smiles from ear to ear. "Mrs. Bale," shrieks Jean, with some tinge of gratitude. She felt the situation called for a little white lie. Lionel reminds her that the other day she had mentioned that she had a certain purity of heart. She tells him she always found pure to be a very comparitive word.
Lionel wonders what will happen when they get on the road home and don't encounter any fog. Jean tells him that Penny will probably blame Stephen. They walk back into the sitting room and collapse. "Peace, perfect peace," Lionel says. Jean tells him that they have to make a move soon. Lionel says that it is only five o'clock. Yes, but there's the packing and the traffic -- he knows how it is on Sunday nights with everyone coming back from the country. He tells her it was hardly worth coming at all. Mrs. Bale comes in and tells them that she will be serving an intimate supper by the fire at 7:43. Jean says it sounds lovely but they have to leave. Mrs. Bale says "Why?" Jean has to go into the office. "Why?" says Mrs. Bale. Lionel joins in the inquisition. He suggests that Jean just call Judith and tell her she'll be in later in the day tomorrow. Jean thinks that the supper sounds lovely. She'll stay. Mrs. Bale tells her that's good, now she won't have to hide the rotor arm. She walks away. Jean asks Lionel what a rotor arm is. Lionel tells her that the car won't start without one. Jean observes that Mrs. Bale has hidden depths. "No wonder father calls her the adjutant," Lionel says.
Jean wonders how Rocky and Madge ever got into the "everybody-over-to-so-and-so's" routine. Lionel can maybe understand the first Monday of the month, but not this whole routine that they seem to have gotten themselves caught up in -- it's not their style. He can't figure out what excuse they use to get out of going every weekend. They come to the conclusion that since Rocky and Madge are both very straighforward they would just come right out and say that they just don't feel like doing something instead of making up an excuse. Jean and Lionel feel the best thing is for them to be like that. It may not make them very popular, but at least they'll be honest. Yes, says Lionel, and it will stop that crowd from trying to take over their lives. Alan suggested that Lionel get a 4x4 and go off-roading with them. Jean says "Try it." Lionel doesn't want to go off-roading. No, she means try saying "No, thank you, we don't want to." They both say the sentence. He sounds surly. She sounds whiny. The phone rings. Jean yells at it to leave them alone. Lionel knows it's them. 
He only wants to have a nice supper in front of the fire. Jean says that she'll handle it -- she'll be somewhere in the middle of surly and whiny and, at the same time she'll be honest. She picks up the phone. It's Alan. "Supper tonight? Oh, Thank you Alan." Lionel says "What?" Jean informs Alan that they can't come. "Why?" she whispers to Lionel. He doesn't think of anything. She tells Alan that Lionel has just come down with measles. Lionel lifts up his shirt and looks for spots on his stomach. She hangs up and they start laughing.