Jean's washing dishes when the doorbell rings. She hollers for someone to get it because she's "in the sink." Apparently Lionel can't resist the urge to have a look for himself and he pops his head into the kitchen and says she's not in the sink at all. She tells him to just get the door. He opens the front door and sees what he assumes to be a court jester bowing in his direction. He's unflustered and says "not today, thank you." He walks back into the house. The doorbell rings again. Jean hollers "what's going on?" from kitchen. Lionel says "oh some fool." The fool says "Good Morrow again." He asks Lionel not to close the door -- he's been sent. Lionel wants to know if this is a religious thing. The man says he delivers messages -- that's his job. The message is for the "Fair Judith." Lionel tells him to come in and wait because Judith is in the bath. He comes in and starts to bow again and Lionel asks him to stop doing it. Judith hollers that she'll down in a minute and Lionel directs the herald into the living room.

Lionel goes back into the kitchen and Jean asks him what's going on. He tells her that it's a herald. She does a double-take. The herald has a message for Judith. Jean says that Judith is in the bath. "I know, I sent him up." Jean looks shocked and rushes into the other room where the herald is on the cell phone. Jean says "hello, herald." The man opens his scroll and begins "Greetings, Fair Judith." Jean corrects him. "I'm Fair Jean." And Lionel chimes in: "I'm Fair Lionel." They seem to be having a little fun with him. Jean figures that Alistair sent him. He says that yes, he was sent by "Sir Alistair of Swiss Cottage," and wonders how she knew that. Jean says that once Alistair sent her a gorillagram. "She shot him," says Lionel. The man looks frightened, so Jean assures him it isn't so. Judith walks into the living room in her bathrobe. He starts reading again and Judith turns to leave. They tell her to stay and Judith says she feels such a fool. Lionel asks how she thinks the herald feels. He's supposed to be an occasion. Jean assures him that he is. Judith wants to know if he takes his clothes off. "Certainly not." She tells him to go on. He begins to read:

Greetings Fair Judith,
My heart aches for the sweet pleasure of your company
And my pulse races for the touch of your soft lips on mine
I beseech you to sup with me tonight in a country hostelry
Where we may recapture all that is warm and tender between us
I tremble with anticipation for your response
Sir Alistair of Swiss

Sandy suspects that sometimes Lionel might wish he were in a monastery. He tells her he wouldn't like the hours. Or the frocks, which are not his style. He says he just wishes Jean would let Judith get on with things. "You know how parents are," offers Sandy. Well, Lionel's father just had a brief chat with him about women and just left him to his own devices. Sandy speculates that Rocky must have been a very succinct chap. Not really, Lionel tells her -- he didn't understand most of what was said and he was 32 at the time. He's just making a joke. He was actually 15. He tries to be serious and asks why Judy is such a bad picker. Sandy doesn't know. Men have become a rather confused crowd -- younger men, she means. She's going out with a bloke and he seems really confused about his role. He's polite, he's gentle and he apologizes every ten minutes. Lionel asks what he apologizes for. "You name it -- he thinks seems to think it's his fault if it rains." Lionel assures her that he's better than a Neanderthal with a club. Sandy thinks this man is too apologetic -- too bendable.

Judith interrupts the discussion when she storms in to get her things, followed by Jean who is trying to catch up with her. Jean questions whether or not Judith is overreacting. Judith says that she does not like being talked about behind her back so she will have to resort to making a public announcement: she is dating a man named Paul, who is 45 years old, separated from his wife and he's a journalist. She likes him very much and will be having dinner with him and his two children that very evening. Given her history she's probably all wrong in her assessment of him. "End of bulletin." She storms out. Jean is incredulous. "Two children?" she exclaims. Judith comes back into the living room and says that she knew Jean would say that.

Sandy and her date, Trevor, are walking down the street on the way to dinner. Trevor says that he hopes Sandy will like the restaurant and that it was recommended by a friend. He's sorry if it isn't up to much. Trevor hasn't actually eaten there before. Sandy points out that he's apologizing for the place before they've even been there. "Sorry," he tells her. She tells him not to keep doing it. "Sorry," he says. She tells him he's doing it again. "Sorry," he says. They get to the restaurant and he says it looks quite nice. She's bouyed by his optimism and tells him so. He asks her to be sure and tell him if she doesn't like it. She looks frustrated and says that sometimes she could hit him. He looks at her strangely, thinks about it, smiles and says somewhat hopefully "could you really?" The sign at the restaurant reads In Dordogne.

Lionel walks into the kitchen where Jean is reading a book. She tells him that she put the plates in to warm for the takeaway. She asks him where it is. He says that he just went out for the newspaper. She reminds him that he said he'd bring the takeaway. He tells her he didn't. She says he did. He says she's recalling a conversation they didn't have. She holds her head and says she had better stop making a habit of that. He knows what has her rattled -- her "damned sister-in-law" is coming to dinner the next day. Jean says that they owe her a dinner. He's worried about the effect Penny has on her. One phone call and Jean starts quoting conversations they've never had. She describes Penny as a "sore spot." There's some sort of law about a sore spot -- whatever you bang into you always hit the sore spot. That's just what Penny is -- the thing that bangs into the sore spot. Lionel tells her that apart from imaginary conversations they don't have a sore spot. She mentions her decision to retire. He reminds her that everyone thinks she's right. She knows that Penny won't. Lionel says that is her bad luck. And Judith's going out with a married man with two children? Lionel tells her that not only is that not a sore spot, it isn't even a pimple. She says it will be when she starts asking about "poor Judith." Lionel says that they'll just say Judith is fine and let the conversation end there. Jean assures him that it is never that simple with Penny. They hear the front door open and are surprised because they know that both girls are out. Lionel suggests that maybe Judith has popped back to ask them to babysit.

It's Sandy and she comes angrily into the kitchen saying she's fed up with men. Not you, Lionel, just men. He supposes he should take that as a compliment. She reminds him of how she said that Trevor was too bendable. Well, "bendable" is the understatement of the year. Sandy describes how he was apologizing for the restaurant because it wasn't good enough and she said she could hit him and he said could you really. The thing is, she says, that his eyes came to light when she said it. He later said that he thought bad boys should be punished. Suddenly Sandy got the picture -- he was talking about himself and her. Jean sighs. Lionel wonders if he would enjoy it if he punched him on the nose. Sandy assures him it's too late. He's gone and probably still wiping food off his jacket. They all decide to go out for curry.

Jean and Lionel are in bed. Lionel is reading while Jean is agonizing over Judith. "She doesn't know anything about children." Lionel wonders why she needs to and Jean says that she's going out with a man who has two of them. He figures that they don't take them out with them. Jean says "you mean he leaves them behind?" He speculates that they are probably locked in the cellar. He doesn't understand why she is getting in such a state. Jean tells him that there is no harm in thinking about the future. Lionel can predict her doom-laden scenario -- the man divorces his wife, marries Judith, he doesn't want a wife, only a mother to the children, she becomes a drudge, loses her looks and finds out that the kids are potential juvenile delinquents. He wonders how he's doing so far. It forces a smile out of her -- she calls it preposterous and then ask if Judy's mentioned marriage. He reminds her that Judith, who has been married twice, is hardly likely to rush into another marriage. She agrees that he's right. He changes the subject. He has a battle plan for tomorrow evening. She wonders if it involves putting Penny and Stephen off. That, he tells her, would be a headlong retreat. "We ask the questions," he announces. We don't give her a chance to be asking anything. Jean doesn't know why they didn't make Lionel a general. If Penny should break thru... "We lie!" Jean says. No, Lionel tells her they just remind themselves that there is nothing to lie about: Jean made a sensible decision to retire, Judith is going out casually with a man who is separated and has two children -- that hardly makes him Jack the Ripper, and the two have them have gone happily through all these months of marriage without either of them having to reach for the carving knife. Jean reminds him that she threw carrots at him once. Not in the same category he says. Lionel summarizes: "In other words, we are happy." She smiles. "We are." The feeling lasts until she remembers -- what about Sandy who is going out with a pervert. "Was," he says. He asks if it's okay for him to get back to Winnie the Pooh now. She apologizes for throwing the carrots at him.

Judith interrupts them by walking into the bedroom. She apologizes for having gotten ratty earlier that evening. Jean says Judith was quite right to be angry -- it is only because she cares, but she knows that sometimes she sticks her nose where it doesn't belong. She kisses Jean and turns to leave. She's nearly out the door when Jean asks "how are the children?" Judith comes back and says that they are fine. They had a glass of wine with them and then made a discreet withdrawal. Jean is shocked. Judith tells her that Patrick is nineteen and Cora is sixteen. "Oh, those sort of children!" Judith says that she didn't have to change a single nappy. She looks at Lionel. "Or read them Winnie the Pooh." Lionel tells her he just looks at the pictures. She leaves and Jean says that Judith used to pop into her bed when she was a little girl. Lionel points out it wouldn't really be appropriate now. Jean thinks they should have considered that the man's children might be grown up. Lionel agrees that yes, they should have. Jean gets to thinking. Now she's upset that the man's children are grown up. Lionel sighs.

Penny and Stephen have arrived. Stephen is having trouble parking close enough to the curb to suit Penny and she's giving him some grief about it. She could drive a tractor through that space. She tells him the back is closer in than the front. He wants to know by about how much, but she tells him she doesn't have a tape measure. He tries again. Now the front is further in than the back. He's frustrated and tells her that it will just have to do. He gets out of the car and starts fooling around with his remote. She tells him to stop behaving like a little boy. It's a new car and he's never had a remote before so he's pressing all the buttons and having a good time doing it. She's annoyed, rolls her eyes, and walks to the front door.

Jeans open the door and Penny observes that Jean looks pale. Jean thinks it's the light. Penny says that Stephen is busy playing with his new car. Lionel comes to the door. Penny observes that he looks rather florid. He thinks it's the light. Stephen comes in and tells them they both look very well. Penny apologizes for being so early -- Stephen said he knew a short cut. Turns out that he did, but Penny didn't believe he did so they left at the normal time and were early because of it. Stephen and Lionel walk into the living room as Stephen explains that had he gotten the short cut wrong and they left later they would have been late so this was all for the best really. Penny says that men don't really improve with age. Stephen is still talking about the short cut and no-one really cares. Lionel and Jean really try not to let Penny get a word in. They ask Penny what she wants to drink. She answers and tries to order for Stephen, but Jean and Lionel ignore her and ask Stephen directly. Stephen looks as though he's never had to answer for himself before, says he wants scotch and Penny looks disappointed because that is what she was going to say. "Some don't seem very short at all when you first try them." Jean looks confused, but Stephen is still talking about short cuts. Penny is angry that he's still doing it and he feebly says he is simply trying to respond to Lionel who asked him why he thinks short cuts are funny things. Jean and Lionel come to his defense to spite Penny and ask him to go on with his explanation. The three of them babble on. Penny asks Steven if there's any chance of his coming to the point. He keeps rambling on and Jean and Lionel tell him how interesting he is. Penny is totally frustrated and says that she hopes they've exhausted the subject. Now Lionel starts going on about them and starts to talk about an experience he once had in Wales. Jean asks him to tell them about it and Penny tells him not to. Suddenly Penny says that she hears footsteps on the stairs. She shouts out that she heard footsteps on the stairs. Stephen thinks about it and says "it can't be us."

Judith walks in slowly and says hello to her aunt Penny. Penny says she heard two pairs of footsteps on the stairs. Sandy walks in. "See?" says Penny, who is proud of her hearing. Jean says that they were talking about Wales -- the Welsh Wales. "Were being the operative word," Penny says. Penny wants to know how they are. They say they are fine. Penny wants to know more, but Lionel interrupts and starts talking about the Welsh double-L. He, Jean and Stephen all say how they pronounce it. Penny asks if there are still no wedding bells on the horizon. Judy says there's a ding sometimes and a dong sometimes, but never a ding-dong. Or a dong-ding, adds Sandy. They all seem to frustrate Penny in her quest for information and Penny wonders why everyone is in such a silly mood. Jean chalks it up to the phases of the moon. What phases? Jean tells her whatever phase it's in. Stephen says they could work it out. Jean and Lionel are enthusiastic about such a calculation. Jean and Sandy say they have to leave and Penny says they've only just begun to chat. They say that both of their men have to adhere to deadlines and they've got to get started.

Lionel and Jean walk into the kitchen with the dessert dishes. Lionel reminds her that they just have the coffee to go to get through this evening. They prepare the coffee and dishes to take to the living room. "And we're still on Wales," Jean tells him. If they can bring in the rest of the United Kingdom they should be able to spin it out. If that doesn't work they can always get back to short cuts. And Stephen would be sure to run with it. Jean points out that Penny is getting edgy. Lionel observes that she should be -- for once in her life she is not dominating the conversation. Penny walks in and tells them that Stephen is back on the Welsh double-L again so she's come to help whether they like it or not. Jean tells her that they are actually ready to go back to the living room. Jean says she can take the tray in, but Penny wants to know if they haven't got time for a tête-à-tête first. She is told that nobody likes stewed coffee. They go into the living room.

They're drinking their coffee and trying to get on any subject that is not personal. They even use the subject they saved as their last resort. And Stephen manages to pick up on everything they offer. Penny is bored beyond tears and so are they, but they don't show it. Eventually they get onto dentistry. Lionel eagerly asks Stephen to tell them about how he got into it. Penny looks as though if she hears this story it will send her through the roof. "Oh, God -- not teeth," she cries. Stephen says he can't remember. Penny starts to steer the conversation towards Jean's career, when Stephen suddenly remembers. Jean encourages him to tell the story. He had a perforated ear-drum. They don't get the connection. He says he remembers thinking that the ear was a very unpleasant place in which to peer. He starts describing the woman who was peering in his ear -- he remembers her hair brushing against his cheek. "It's sex again," accuses Penny. They still don't get the connection. "Unpleasant places to peer into," he tells her. He figures mouths come into that category and if a pretty girl can do it, so can he. Quite logical, he says. Penny doesn't want to let the matter of Jean's career drop. She wants more than a "very well" when she asks how it's going. Lionel interrupts by saying that he once had an ear infection. Penny again says she wants a fuller reply. Jean, almost triumphantly, says that the fuller reply is that she made the decision to stop working. There! She's said it. Penny starts to protest that Jean is too young. It isn't a question of age, Jean says -- it's a matter of spending more time with Lionel. "Lucky old Lionel," Stephen says. Penny's GP retired six months ago and she hasn't seen him in the village since. She thinks he's become a recluse. Stephen tells her he's gone on a world cruise. Poor chap, says Lionel -- nothing better to do with his time than go on a world cruise. Jean is not a GP -- she's always been so active. Penny wonders if she'll wither away. Jean assures her she will not wither away. Penny suspects that Lionel had a hand in this decision. Jean says that Lionel exerted no pressure on her and that this idea has been in her head for some time and they talked about it and without any fuss or friction she made this decision to retire. That's all there is to it. Penny says if it were her she'd be appalled at doing nothing. Stephen says he doesn't understand why -- she's never done a day's work in her life. Jean and Lionel can barely keep from laughing.

Lionel and Jean are at the door waving goodbye and telling them to drive safely. They're happy it is over with. Jean knows that Lionel enjoyed himself that evening. "Call me a flawed human being if you like," he says to her. She says she never thought of Stephen as a "vitriolic vituperative viper" before. Lionel says it will be a long drive back to Hampshire. As it happens they're staying in London, but Lionel doesn't care, as long as it isn't with them. Bottom line is that their objective has been achieved -- even if it did land Stephen in the doghouse. This must be something of a record, they think. Jean wonders if it would be sluttish to leave the clearning up til morning. Lionel suggests they both be sluts and go right to bed. They shut off the living room lights and enter the hallway.

It's the next morning. Penny is in the car, still directing Stephen. She's screaming "Back, back, back" and then "forward, fore-waard" and Stephen doesn't know what to do. "Which?" he says. Both. He wants to know "in which order?" She tells him to leave it there -- they won't be long. He gets out of the car, but doesn't come around to help Penny out. She just looks at him and says that she can probably manage, thank you. He tells her that he doesn't see the point of this and he resents being called a viper. She says that his resentment is of no interest to her whatsoever. When her back is turned Stephen plays with the remote again and a buzzer rings several times. He's pleased. They are at Jean's front door. She opens it to let them in and Penny tells her that she has very little to say. Stephen tells Jean that Penny is "in a mood." Penny tells her it is rightly so. She says she knows what she and Lionel were up to last night and she doesn't approve. Jean points out that they are married. Penny tells her to spare the smutty humor. She says that all she was doing was making sympathetic inquiries into their well-being and then Jean and Lionel would steer, steer Stephen onto an impossible subject which took up the whole evening. Well she is family and she thinks she deserves more honesty than that. She waits for an explanation. Jean says that she's right -- it was deceitful and dishonest. Penny wants to know it all. Jean tells her that the truth is that Judith is going out with a married man with two children, Sandy was going out with a man with strange ideas about corporal punishment and she worked herself into such a state over retiring that she had to see a psychotherapist. Penny is really annoyed now -- "thank you for taking me for a complete fool," she says and she leaves. Stephen tells Jean that personally he thought last night was one of the nicest, chattiest evenings he's ever had. Penny shouts "Stephen" from the other room and he leaves. Jean shouts out at him not to forget the short cut.

Penny tells Stephen that she will be glad to get back to the sanity of Hampshire. As they walk down the street they continue the conversation. He wonders if she thinks that Hampshire is a particularly sane place. Compared with this part of the world, yes, she does. She hears a horse's hooves just then and looks into the street and sees a knight atop a white horse. The horse stops when the knight sees them. He lifts his visor and says hello to them. It's Alistair. Penny asks what he's doing. He tells her that the herald didn't work, so he's sending the knight himself. "Fare-thee-well," he says and the horse begins to move again. Penny asks Stephen what he sees. "Nothing, actually," is his answer. She requests that he drive home quite quickly. Jean and Lionel watch Alistair get off the horse and come into the house.