Jean and Lionel are climbing a hill somewhere in Hampshire. She wonders whether or not there are hedgehogs there. "Not unless they have oxygen masks," Lionel says. The noise she hears is his breathing. A nearly exhausted Lionel doesn't understand why they have to have a picnic on top of a mountain. It's not her idea -- it's Madge and Rocky's. Anyway, it's only a hill. "Of the mountainous variety," he says. She tells him it's not long now -- "Oh, come on Tenzing, one last thrust to the top. We can plant a little Union Jack when we get there." He says that that's an if. Madge and Rocky have already arrived. They've set up a table with a red and white checkered tablecloth. Rocky is pouring the champagne. They'd almost given up on Jean and Lionel and ask when they set out. Lionel tells them they left a couple of days ago. Rocky and Madge only needed twenty minutes to get up the hill because they cheated -- Mrs. Bale ran them up on the motorbike and side car. They spot Mrs. Bale in the distance, coming back with the picnic hamper. Rocky warns them to treat Mrs. Bale with care, as she has been acting distinctly peculiar lately. When Lionel points out that she is always peculiar, Madge again stresses the distinctly.
Mrs. Bale apologizes for being so late, but she "had an altercation." Jean asks if it involved Indians. 
No, some fool on a bike. Madge worries that the man might be injured, but Mrs. Bale assures her he is merely winded. Lionel wants to give her a hand. She turns, glares at him and says quite distinctly "I can manage, thank you." He's taken aback. She puts the hamper on the table and tells Jean that after she runs Madge and Rocky back home she'll be along to her house to prepare supper. Jean tells her it isn't necessary, but Mrs. Bale is insistent. She says that she is "not, as some people would have it, a spent force." She's very emotional and looks as though she might cry at any moment. She walks back to the motorbike and while her back is to them, Madge mouths the words "See that?"
Lionel and Jean walk into the living room. Lionel has had a hard time on the downhill motorbike trip back home. He swears there's something in the water in Hampshire. 
Jean thinks it was fun -- they could get into the Royal Tournament as a display team. She pours tea and asks a moaning Lionel if he's okay. He's a bit heady and he attributes that to drinking champagne at altitude. Rocky and Madge walk in and say what fun that afternoon has been. Lionel is sorry he was talked into it and Rocky tells him that sometimes he despairs of him. Mrs. Bale walks in and tells them that she is going back up the hill to get the furniture. Lionel asks if she'd like a hand. Once again, she's on the defensive: "No thank you, I am not in my dotage." Lionel never mentioned dotage. "Just as well," she says. Jean wonders what it is that Rocky said to Mrs. Bale. He thinks he's being condemned without a hearing. She tells him that he is the most likely candidate and Lionel reminds him that only an hour ago Rocky called Mrs. Bale a "silly old bat." Rocky has been doing that for years, though -- until he believes it has become a term of endearment. In fact, Madge tells them that if Rocky doesn't call her that at least once a day she feels sadly neglected. Madge suggests that maybe it's a man. Lionel is incredulous -- "a man?" Yes -- "trousers, low voice, that sort of thing?" Jean tells Lionel not to say it so disbelievingly -- She is Mrs. Bale and one assumes there was a Mr. Bale and that he was a man. Rocky tells her that Mr. Bale was an unmitigated swine. According to Madge, he ran off with some girl he met on the job. It was a long time ago and Mrs. Bale never talks about it. Madge says she's not talking about a man from long ago -- she's talking about a man now. Again, Lionel appears to be incredulous. Jean tells him to stop it. He tells her that it is hardly likely, but Jean asks for the name of the grocer in the city. Mr. Wells. Jean remembers that Mr. Wells is always very attentive when Mrs. Bale is in his shop. He always helps her load up the side car and she knows for a fact that he invited Mrs. Bale to the pictures the other week. Madge says that "of course, it's not a man at all." 
Lionel's eyes light up with glee -- "a woman?" Madge tells him not to be silly. She remembered what Mrs. Bale said earlier that day -- she was not in her dotage and neither was she a spent force. She feels it isn't likely that a suitor would accuse her of being any of those things. Jean agrees and Madge tells them that they shouldn't be so surprised at her sense of logic -- she's not just a pretty face. Rocky adds that she is also a first rate drummer. Lionel thinks that they should just ask Mrs. Bale. "A frontal attack?" Rocky asks. They think that Mrs. Bale will never talk about what's bothering her. Lionel suggests that unless they ask they will not know. Jean tells him not to go at it like a bull in a china shop when he asks her. He looks as stunned as he always does when he gets himself into something like this. They are interrupted by Lol's knocking at the entrance to the living room.
They ask him inside, but he says he just came to tell them he was leaving -- he's been composting so he doesn't think they'd really want him all the way inside -- he'd probably pong a bit. 
Lionel tells him he'll see him next week. He says he'll be off then. Jean tells him to have a nice weekend. Lol clears his throat and says loudly that he'll be off then. Madge whispers that "the boy needs paying." Jean's embarrassed. She asks Lol why he just didn't say he needed to be paid. Lol tells her that he didn't like to say it -- Mrs. Bale usually handles that end of things. She says her handbag is in the kitchen and Lol goes there to wait for his pay. Madge tells Jean that Lol might be a good source to tell her what's wrong with Mrs. Bale. It's worth a crack. Lionel tells her not to go at it like a bull in a china shop. She gives him a dirty look.
Jean walks into the kitchen, doesn't see Lol and says his name. He comes out from behind the door. She's startled by his sudden appearance. She goes to her wallet, pays him and asks if he'd like a cup of tea. 
No tea -- he has to get somewhere. She asks him to please sit down because she has something to ask him. He asks if it is of a horticultural nature and when she says no, he tells her that he's not a lot of good outside that. Jean tells him that it's about Mrs. Bale. "Oh, dear," he says and begins to stutter that she-sh-she-sh-she's woman." Jean says "so am I." He points out that that makes it worse -- he's out of his depth with women. 
She assures him that this isn't a personal question. Jean wants to know if Lol is aware of anything which could have upset her recently. Lionel feels that is personal. She promises him that this is in no way a prurient inquiry. The word "prurient" seems to throw him. She says that she's not just being nosy, she really is fond of Mrs. Bale and if something is bothering her that she'd like to know about it. Lol tells her that that's very tender of her. He has no idea what the matter is. He gets up to leave and then slowly sits down. 
There was some talk, he says, about a balloonist. Just gossip. Jean wants to know what happened, but he says he'd have to ask mother -- it happened more than 15 years ago. They conclude that that can hardly be it then. He asks Jean if it is all right for him to go now. She leads him towards the door and he tells her that he'll see her next weekend if she's around. Just before he leaves he has a thought: there is one way of finding out what's bothering Mrs. Bale. "How?" Jean wonders. Lol suggests she ask her. Jean rolls her eyes.
Lionel is playing with his food. He's not hungry. Jean wonders if he's angling for a custard tart. He really isn't feeling one hundred percent. 
Perhaps trying to wriggle out of talking to Mrs. Bale. She reminds him that he ate heartily before she reintroduced the subject of Mrs. Bale at dinner. They agreed that he would speak with her after they had their pudding. He started picking at his lamb. Now he's pushing his dessert around the plate and saying he's at Death's door. Mrs. Bale comes in with a weather report and points out that every time she comes into the room they stop talking. She asks why that is. Lionel tells her that it is a coincidence. Jean says that she always seems to come in at the end of a sentence, but Mrs. Bale wisely refuses to believe that "if you..." is the end of a sentence. "If you did," that was the whole sentence. She wants to know "if you did what? "Hop," Jean says off the top of her head. 
They were talking about hopping. Their converation topics are far ranging, she tells Mrs. Bale. Lionel says that he doesn't feel very well and Mrs. Bale calls that "nonsense." A large brandy with his coffee will do the trick. She leaves and tells them sarcastically that they can now continue their conversation about hopping. Jean looks at Lionel and points out that even Mrs. Bale thinks that his "illness" story is nonsense. Mrs. Bale has been saying that about illness ever since he first met her. He imagines that if he had a spear sticking out of his chest she'd tell him to pull it out because it was ruining his shirt. Jean thinks this sudden illness is very convenient -- after all, it was his idea to talk to her. Yes, but it wasn't his idea to do the talking -- she volunteered him for that. Jean thinks Lionel should do the talking because he's known Mrs. Bale longer. "But you're a woman, he says. She wonders why men always say it like that. She thinks that's a copout. It is a phrase men use when they mean that this is a dirty job, they don't fancy doing it and they want the woman to do it for them. He thought she wasn't a feminist. She says she isn't, but she is a woman.
He's not just swinging the lead -- he really doesn't feel up to a heart-to-heart with Mrs. Bale. She feels his forehead and is surprised to find that he is rather hot. Perhaps he should have an early night. He says that they both should have an early night -- an expression he has used in the past to suggest that perhaps they might have sex. She tells him that she thought he wasn't feeling well. He tells her that she has misunderstood. He meant to say that they should talk with Mrs. Bale tomorrow. "No, something's bothering her and I really do..." Mrs. Bale walks in. "Mid-sentence again?" she asks. Jean says "I really do think you should go to bed." Lionel says he's going to bed. Mrs. Bale tells him that it is no good buckling under. He leaves the women alone.
Mrs. Bale asks if Jean would like a liqueur of some kind. Instead Jean asks her to sit down with her and drink Lionel's coffee. 
Mrs. Bale appears to be shocked by the suggestion that she join her employer and Jean tells her that she is making her feel like Queen Victoria. Mrs. Bale sits down "if you insist." Jean says she is not insisting -- she is only making a suggestion. Jean asks if she should pour. Mrs. Bale bristles - "certainly not." Jean wants to have a chat -- one of those things men always think women do. "He was a slender man with piercing blue eyes." Jean doesn't know who she's talking about. The balloonist Lol told her about earlier in the afternoon. Jean is surprised and asks how Mrs. Bale knew about that. She says that Lol told his mother who told a woman in the post office who told Mr. Wells, the grocer, who told her when she went in for some eggs. Jean observes that it makes email look obsolete. Mrs. Bale tells her that did have a brief but passionate affair.
Jean is not shocked -- any woman would want to have a ... Jean stops short and tells Mrs. Bale that she wasn't delving into her private life. Mrs. Bale, then, has to ask what she was doing. Jean begins by saying "Look, we're friends, aren't we?" Mrs. Bale tells her no. Now Jean is shocked. Mrs. Bale has a great deal of respect for her and she thinks that Jean is the best thing that ever happened to Mr. Lionel, but friends?... They could begin -- she can start by calling her Jean. Mrs. Bale says that she certainly could not. And I could call you.... "...Mrs. Bale," Mrs. Bale finishes her sentence for her. She'll come straight to the point then: everyone knows that something is troubling her. She wants to know if there's anything that they could do to help. Mrs. Bale apologizes for letting any small problem she has interfere with her efficiency as a housekeeper. What small problem? Jean asks. Mine. Mrs. Bale tells her that Lol Ferris always describes her as a tender woman. Jean says it makes her sound like a piece of steak. Mrs. Bale tells her that Lol is right and she turns to leave. Jean asks if one day she will tell her more about the slender balloonist with the piercing blue eyes. "Maybe one day."
Jean tiptoes into the bedroom trying not to waken Lionel. 
The door is creaking loudly and she says "sssssh." Lionel asks who she's talking to. She tells him she's talking to the door. He turns on the light. She tells him that he didn't have to do that, but he says that the suspense of waiting for her to bump into something in the dark would have kept him awake anyway. How does he feel? He still doesn't feel well. She notices he didn't open a window. He should have, she said -- she used to be a nurse. He wonders if she used to freeze patients to death. "All the time," she answers. Has he had a drink? He tells her he has a case of scotch under the bed. She accuses him of being difficult. She gets into bed. He tells her she can't come into there. She asks if he's expecting somebody else. He says she'll catch whatever he's got. She'll catch it anyway. There's a terrible draft from the window. Jean asks him to think of it as fresh air. She will call the doctor in the morning. He doesn't want a doctor. She's going to call one anyway. Damn! She says he'll have to swear harder than that to stop her. No, he needs a pee. She asks if he needs a bottle. He can't believe she said that. She gets up too and tries to help him with his robe. He says that he can manage. He asks if she had the chat with Mrs. Bale. More of a fencing match, she says. She didn't get past her guard once. Jean opens the door. Lionel shrieks that she doesn't have to come with him. Just as far as the door, she says, because he looks wobbly. He starts walking up the stairs and she tells him not to lock the door. Mrs. Bale is awakened and comes into the hall asking what's going on. Lionel tells her that he's being taken for a wee-wee. She rushes past them both and opens the door for him. He walks inside with her and he screams that he can do it by himself. She rushes out and shouts at him not to lock it. He walks back into the hall and says that he'll do a deal: he won't lock it if they'll both move away or sing. Mrs. Bale wonders what they should sing. Jean says that should just move away.
Mrs. Bale says that she knows men can be babies, but how is he really? 
Jean says he really doesn't feel very well. She wonders if she should pop downstairs and whip up an egg custard. Jean tells her not to. A good night's sleep might do the trick and tomorrow she'll call the doctor. The local doctor? Mrs. Bale wonders why they don't see their own doctor. Jean thinks he wouldn't appreciate the drive. Mrs. Bale suggests they go back to London in the morning. 
Jean doesn't think Lionel would appreciate the drive in his condition. She wants to know what's wrong with the local chap. Mrs. Bale gives her a strange look, which she denies having given. She walks away saying that Jean should call if she needs her. Jean walks back to the bathroom door and asks Lionel if everything is all right. He reminds her that they made a deal -- walk away or sing. She sings "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head."
Alistair drives up the driveway in Hampshire. He sees Mrs. Bale getting ready to hop onto her cycle and he says -- is it a bird, is it a plane, nope -- it's Mrs. Bale. He's wearing a black, wide-brimmed hat that makes him look at first glance like an Amish preacher. She accuses him of wearing him a silly hat. 
He thinks she's not one to talk -- people who live in green houses... 
She's wearing her aviator's hat. She tells him that hers is functional, whille she assumes that his is some sort of fashion statement. He says that it was something he just threw on. She suggests he throw it off again. She says she's going to get something for Lionel, who is not feeling well. Alistair wants to know what the trouble is. She says that the trouble is that Jean has sent for the doctor. She gets on the cycle and tells Alistair that the front door is open and he should let himself in. Alistair asks what's wrong with sending for the doctor and she gives him a dirty look and rides away.
Alistair walks into the house, looking pretty silly in the big black hat and nearly floor-length black coat. "Honey, I'm home," he says.
Jean is on the way downstairs with the breakfast tray and asks where Lionel sprang from. He reminds her that she used to be a nurse and shouldn't have to ask that kind of question. He asks how his "main man" is and Jean reports that the patient has hardly touched his breakfast. Alistair wants to bring him a custard tart or something, but Jean tells him no and asks him to join her for a cup of tea. He asks what she thinks of his hat. To be truthful it looks a bit silly. The bell rings, indicating that Lionel needs something. Alistair says he'll go, but Jean tells him that she'll go up.
Alistair pours the tea and Jean comes back into the kitchen saying that she just isn't used to Lionel's being ill. 
Alistair compares Lionel to an old bull elephant and tells her that he'll be fine. He says that Mrs. Bale didn't seem too keen on the idea of her having sent for the doctor. Jean thinks that Mrs. Bale has more faith in some old girl with a cauldron than in the doctor. Alistair wonders where she keeps the cauldron and Jean says that if he wants to know he should ask her. He thanks her but says he doesn't fancy himself as a frog. She wonders why he's there. He hesitates and then tells her that he and Lionel were going to the races that afternoon. She's surprised -- he hates horse racing. Alistair thinks for a moment and says that this is "point to point." Still horses, though? Lionel rings the bell again. Alistair is glad that it interrupted the discussion. Jean is sorry she ever gave him the bell -- the stairs lose their novelty value after the fifteen time. Alistair says he'll go -- this could be a guy-to-guy thing. Yes, like his newly found interest in horse racing, she observes. Alistair laughs. Lionel rings the bell again. Jean screams out "oh, he's coming, he's coming."
Alistair walks in on bended knees pretending to be Igor -- "you rang, mathster?" No response. Alistair tells him that he was just trying to raise a smile, but Lionel doesn't feel like smiling. 
He wants to know what Alistair is doing there. He assures him that he's not basking in the warmth of his welcome. Alistair reminds him that they had a date. Well, that's off. Alistair tells him that he gets the impression that Lionel's been overtinkling. Lionel swears he's been a model of restraint. They hear the sounds of Dixie that announce the arrival of Rocky and Madge. Lionel says that they're all he needs. Alistair volunteers to go downstairs and stop them in their tracks. Lionel says that he might as well try to stop a tank with a popgun.
Jean is greeting Rocky and Madge in the hallway. They're there because word has spread throughout the town that Lionel is not feeling well. Jean tells them to remind her to start a rumor down there one day. They want to go upstairs and cheer him up. Jean tries to stop them, but they walk past her. Fortunately Alistair is on the way downstairs and tells them there's no need to go up because the poor boy is sleeping like a baby. Just then Lionel rings the bell again. Rocky says it must have been a cat nap. 
They walk upstairs. Jean asks Alistair what Lionel wanted, but he says that he never found out. Mrs. Bale walks past them and heads up the stairs carrying a bowl. Jean asks what's in it and she's told that the bowl contains goose fat. Under her arm she's got brown paper. "Goose fat and brown paper on the chest -- it never fails," she says and continues up the stairs. The doorbell rings. Jean's flustered by the goose fat and all the activity and opens the door with a snappish "yes?" "Dr. Stoker," the man says. She apologizes. He walks inside. Alistair walks over to Jean and whispers "not Bram Stoker?"
Meanwhile, Lionel is struggle to get away from Mrs. Bale who is determined to try the goose fat and brown paper on him.
He does not want to be smothered in goose fat. Rocky tells him that some of these old remedies work wonders. They tell him to be a brave boy. He screams that he will not be a good boy and he will not undo his buttons. Into the middle of all this comes the Doctor. Mrs. Bale glares at him. 
Jean tells them all to get out. "And take your goose fat with you," Lionel says. Jean will be outside the door if anyone needs her. 
Lionel and the doctor are alone. The doctor pulls up a chair. He tells Lionel that he doesn't look well. Lionel doesn't find that to be encouraging. The doctor says that whatever it is, it's going around. He writes a prescription. Lionel wants to know how he can write a prescription if the doctor doesn't know what's wrong with him. "It's worth a try, isn't it?"
They're in the kitchen. Rocky asks Mrs. Bale if she's still sulking over her goose fat. She tells him that she is not sulking at all. 
She says she's concerned about Mr. Hardcastle the younger. Alistair tells her that the doctor is with him. That's what she's concerned about. Jean walks into the room complaining that the doctor did a fat lot of good by pronouncing that Lionel has something that's going around. Rocky says sarcastically that modern medicine is a wonderful thing. Mrs. Bale thinks that the doctor is a charlatan. Jean doesn't think she should use so strong a word. Lionel walks into the kitchen saying that with a bedside manner like that the man shouldn't be a doctor at all -- he should be a mortuary attendant. Jean asks what he's doing up. He tells her that he's having a moan. Jean is surprised that Rocky and Madge don't know the local doctor. Alistair wonders what they do when they're not well. 
"Get better, of course" Rocky says. Which is, Madge tells him, what Lionel should do. Lionel informs them he is not having the goose fat. Drawing on her experience as a nurse, Jean says she thinks it's a virus and he'll be right as rain in a day or two. Lionel concludes that they don't have to fill the prescription then. Jean is certain that the doctor wouldn't prescribe anything that would actually harm Lionel. Mrs. Bale peers at them from behind a corner. Alistair says he'll get the prescription filled. Rocky and Madge have to go to Brighton. They all leave.
Lionel says he thinks he'll go back to bed. He doesn't want to see Dr. Death again. Mrs. Bale is mumbling: "spent force indeed." Jean sees it now. It was him. He upset you. She admits it. Mrs. Bale says that she went to see him a couple of days ago -- much against her better judgment. 
She told him that she had been feeling a little tired lately. "A spent force wasn't his actual diagnosis, was it?" Jean asks. She says that while he might not have used those actual words, the implication was very clear. He kept saying things like "at your time of life..." Lionel interrupts to say that the doctor kept saying that to him as well. She continues "...everything's bound to slow down a bit." Lionel tells her that the doctor said that to him also. Jean understands what Lionel meant by the doctor's bedside manner. She asks Mrs. Bale what the doctor prescribed for her. Whatever it was, she poured the medication straight down the sink and drank the potion that Lol's mother made up for her instead. Now she feels right as rain again. Lionel observes that the next time someone is unwell they should call in Lol's mother. Not if she ever finds out that he refused the goose fat, Mrs. Bale warns him. He is going to bed now. Jean tells him "come on soldier" and starts to walk with him. Mrs. Bale asks if she should carry him upstairs. "Not at our time of life, Mrs. Bale," he says. She smiles.
Jean tucks him in bed. She asks if he's comfy. He says "yes, thank you, nurse." She wants to know if he wants the curtains closed. No -- he might miss Lol's mother flying past on a broomstick. He tells her he knows he's been abusing the bell lately. Marginally, she says. Then she gets serious. She asks if he knew that Alistair was coming that afternoon. He tells her that he did know. How come he didn't say anything? He thought he did. 
Jean says that Alistair told her that they planned to go racing. She knows he doesn't like racing. He tells her it wasn't horses, it was cars. Alistair told her it was horses. He looks like his story is beginning to fall apart. "Unless it was horses racing cars," she says. He tells her that it is not fair to interrogate a sick man. She wants to know what they had planned. "Well, if you must know..." She tells him she doesn't have to know. He doesn't speak. "Well?" she asks. He tells her that Alistair knew someone in Winchester who specializes in antique jewelry. 
He wanted to find something special for her birthday. Jean is very pleased. "Oh, that's sweet," she says and kisses him on the cheek. He tells her she'll catch what he has. She thinks she caught it already. She gets into bed and lies down beside him. Two things, she says: no Doctor Death and no goose fat and brown paper. He understands. "You'd better have this," he says and rings the bell. She is not amused.