Judith, Sandy and Jean are on the couch armed with plenty of tissues. All three are crying as they watch a movie on the television. 
The camera shifts to the olive green leather chair in which Lionel is sound asleep. Apparently the man in the movie never came back, but the good news is that the cat did return. Sandy gets up to shut off the television and Jean says that there's nothing like a good laugh. "Which is why I have no alternative," Lionel says. The three women stare at him. Jean asks to what he has no alternative. He has no idea what she's talking about. He must have been dreaming. 
He can't even recall what he was dreaming about even though it was only seconds ago. Jean wonders whether he even cares about what he said. He doesn't, but Jean says she would be curious if she woke up saying something as dramatic as that. He'll let them know if he remembers anything later. Lionel asks how the film ended. Sadly -- the carpenter didn't come back. Lionel didn't know that he'd gone. Sandy assures him that the kitten was all right though. Jean predicts he will say that he didn't know there was a kitten. "There wasn't a kitten in the bit I saw," he tells them. Jean says that he wasn't even awake for five minutes during the film. Sandy gets up to make some coffee. She asks if anyone else wants some. Jean's tired, she says, and she's going to bed. Judith wants coffee. Lionel does too -- he grins and says that he isn't tired at all. Jean rolls her eyes.
Judith and Lionel are left in the living room. She wonders whether he and Jean ever went to the pictures. They did -- everyone did in those days. 
Judith bets they used to snog in the back row. He tells her that it was very uncomfortable -- the arm of the seat used to get in the way. She asks if everyone sprang apart quickly when the film was over and the lights went back on. Yes, except for the really committed ones -- they even braved it out when the ice cream lady came round. She says they don't do that now. He asks whether she means sell ice cream or snog in the back row. Sandy walks in with the tray of mugs and asks who snogs in the back row. Lionel says he did back when the world was young, but he adds that he thinks they saw about 6 films before he even got his arm around Jean's shoulder. Judith asks him what Jean did and he says that he thinks she said "about time, too." They hear a noise.
Lionel says he thinks it's something going bump in the night. Sandy points out that the house next door is empty because the Carters moved out the week before. Judith observes that the noise could have been from a box falling over, but Sandy wonders why a box would fall over. The girls ask Lionel what he thinks it was. He supposes it's Mr. Carter coming back to check on the body. Jean rushes in because she heard a thump.
Lionel tells her that he thought she was tired. She responds by reminding him that it doesn't impair her hearing. She questions why the noise came from an empty house. Sandy tells her it's a box -- Judith reminds Jean that people leave boxes behind when they move. Lionel thought Sandy was making coffee. She goes to the kitchen to get some and Jean tells her that she might as well have some too now that she's up. "What if it's burglars?" Judith asks. Lionel tells her they'll be out of luck because the house is empty. 
Jean listens at the wall which separates her row house from the one next door. Sandy comes in with the coffee press and extra mug and says she'll tell them what it might be, but Jean thinks she heard something and shushes her. There's another loud noise and Lionel gets up, saying he's going to telephone the police. Sandy tells them it could be a prospective buyer. Not likely at this time of night. Jean has the Carter's telephone number and if they've left the phone on she could telephone. Sandy asks what she'd say if someone actually answered the phone. Jean says she'd just hang up. They wonder what good that would do Jean says that it would at least establish that someone was in there. Lionel comes back into the living room and says he telephoned the police and they are sending someone around -- presumably a policeman. Almost immediately the doorbell rings.
Lionel goes to answer the doorbell and notices that everyone in the house is there with him. He asks why they're all there. 
"Just in case." He wonders in case of what. They don't know. It's Mr. Carter. He tells them that he popped back to get a couple of boxes he had left behind and then it occurred to him that if they heard noises coming from a supposedly empty house they might be alarmed so he came by just to allay their fears. That was very kind of him, Jean says. She adds that they were all watching television and didn't hear a thing. He tells them that he'd better Fizz back to Bucks. He tells them that's a sort of joke that they have where he know lives -- Fizz back to Bucks. They look at him. He explains that's a play on words. Fizz Bucks. 
Bucks Fizz. They pretend to find it funny. He leaves. Jean says she has forgotten how dreadfully dull the man was. Judith reminds them all that she said it was boxes in the first place. Sandy wonders what was in them. Lionel guesses it might be his joke collection. Jean says that they were never any trouble as neighbors and Lionel feels they might even miss Mr. Carter if a pop group bought the house. The doorbell rings and they think it might be Mr. Carter again, until Lionel remembers he called the police, who -- he guesses -- are not very keen on false alarms. He says he'll answer, but Jean thinks it would be better if Sandy went. Lionel doesn't know why until Jean rolls her eyes to let him know that was a stupid question. Sandy insists that this is exploitation, but she smiles and goes anyway. Jean tells her that if it is a policewoman she should come back so they can send Lionel out. They hear a man's voice, which pleases Jean.
Sandy and the policeman are in the kitchen finishing their coffee. She apologizes to him for the inconvenience.
He tells her it was a quiet night and he was glad to get out anyway because he was heading for financial disaster in Monopoly. They discover they have much the same strategy. She says "Well." He gets up to leave, but stops to tell her that once he had two houses on Mayfair. She says that's not bad on a policeman's pay. It did him no good because no-one ever landed on it. They just passed go and collected their money. "Well," she says again. He's not very lucky at cards. She tells him that she doesn't like cards. He doesn't either. 
"Well," she says again. He says that he's seen her before. She asks if she's on file. No, he means going to work. He asks if she's going to say "well" again. She does, blushing and grinning and tells him it's late. The moment appears to be awkward. She walks him to the door. They say goodbye. Before he leaves he asks if she likes ice skating. She tells him that she's never tried it. He has the day off tomorrow and asks if she's free in the afternoon and introduces himself as Harry.
She introduces herself and tells him she's free. He'll pick her up about one o'clock. He walks out and tells her that he's glad it was she who opened the door because "the bloke who phoned the station sounded a wry old grump." She closes the door and Jean pops her head into the hallway asking if he was all right. Very all right, Sandy tells her -- they're going skating tomorrow. Jean's mouth hangs open.
Lionel walks into the bedroom where Jean is reading a book. He thinks that was a bit quick. She says she wasn't timing him. He means the way that policeman got off on Sandy. She wonders at his choice of words. "You never took me ice skating."
He apologizes. She's not blaming -- only observing. In fact neither of them can skate so, as Jean points out, it will not be likely that they could make up a foursome tomorrow afternoon. Lionel gets into bed and shrieks because Jean's hot water bottle is scalding. He tries to kick it over to her, but kicks her instead. She tells him to stay still while she hooks it and she starts thrashing around. Lionel thought love would keep her warm. "Not all night," she tells him. 
Jean says she will miss the Carters. Lionel reminds her that she has just said she'd forgotten how boring he was. She knows, but they were safe. He tells her that a couple looked at the house the other day while she was out. She asks what they looked like. Ordinary enough -- quite tall -- about nine feet with eight fingers on each hand. She tells him he'll be laughing out of the other side of his face when he finds out that they're living next door to a bunch of all night ravers. She tries to get him to give an opinion about potential neighbors but he tells her that he can't because he doesn't know who they'll be. And, on the other hand, they don't know who Lionel and Jean will be. Lionel wants to go to sleep. He lays down. Jean keeps going on about how interesting it is that there are two sets of strangers in the world -- both of them wondering what the other will be like. He looks at her and tells he she should go to sleep, too. She wonders if "they'll like us." Lionel nearly sings "goodnight."
The next morning Sandy's doing her ironing and Judith walks into the kitchen with her own basketful of clothing. 
She's next, she tells her. She thinks they need an au pair boy. Sandy doesn't think Lionel would approve. Judith asks if Sandy is looking forward to this afternoon. She thinks so. Sandy asks what you wear to go skating. "Cushions," Judith says. Not real funny. She becomes more helpful and tells her to wear layers of clothing to be warm. 
Sandy doesn't want to look like Humpty-Dumpty. The doorbell rings. Judith answers it and is surprised to see Stephen and Penny, who yell "surprise!" Stephen tells Judith that she looks pretty, but Penny thinks that she looks rather drawn. She goes to what she calls "the little girl's room," although Judith informs her that they are, in fact, unisex in that household. 
She asks Stephen why the surprise, but he doesn't want to say before Penny does. They walk into the kitchen and almost as fast as he had come in Stephen turns around and walks out, saying "Sorry." They ask what the matter is and he tells them that Sandy might be ironing unmentionables. She assures him that she is not and he walks back into the kitchen. 
Stephen says that Sandy looks very pretty. This seems to amuse her and Judith as well. She thinks he's good for morale. He tells Sandy that Penny is in the loo, which is why he can't tell her the surprise, which he would of course... He's interrupted by Penny who is shouting from another room that if he told there would be serious repercussions. After all this time, obviously, Stephen already knows that. Judith tells Penny as she walks into the kitchen that they weren't able to get a word out of him. Penny looks at Sandy and asks if she's put on weight. Sandy tells her not until that afternoon.
"Where are poor Jean and Lionel?" Penny asks. Judith tells her that they are struggling with the shopping. Stephen is curious about how Sandy can know she'll be putting on weight that afternoon. She says that it's a woman thing. Penny wishes that Stephen wouldn't go off on tangents. She says that they'll pop back after they've had a look round. Judith wonders if they're going to the shops, but Penny tells them they are going to look at the house next door. That's the surprise: they're thinking of buying it. The girls have stunned looks on their faces.
Those stunned looks are no match for the looks on the faces of Jean and Lionel who have just heard the news from Judith. 
They're sitting on the living room couch and Judith is making them drinks to calm them down. She wants to know if they want singles or doubles. "Doubles," says Jean. Lionel wants "trebles." Judith thought it best to tell them as soon as they got back. 
Penny and Stephen have not yet returned. "Penny and Stephen living next door," Jean says, weakly. Lionel observes that it "makes those all night ravers you were worried about look positively attractive." The doorbell rings. Jean fears that they made up their minds already. Judith assures her that they can't have. Judith goes to answer the door. "Why?" Jean asks. Lionel wants to know if she means what have they done to deserve this. No, she wants to know why they want to move to London and live next to them. He tells her that it is the opposite of divine intervention. 
It's Alistair who was at the door. He tells them that he won't say "hi" because sounds too cheerful. Alistair came to take Judith to lunch and they ask Lionel and Jean to come along. Alistair thinks that's an "ace idea" because nothing looks so bad after a good lunch. Jean may never eat again. Lionel tells him no thanks. Alistair thinks that they should try for the big "O" -- a bit of optimism: A - they may not even like the house, B - they might not be able to afford it and C - would it really be so bad to have them as neighbors? After seeing the looks on their faces he realizes that he should have left out C. Judith reminds them there's still A and B. Lionel can think of an F, he says. So can Jean. They'll sit and wait for Penny and Stephen and the verdict. Lionel tells them that if Stephen comes back with a square of black material on his head they'll know the worst. Alistair keeps talking, but Judith tells him to finish talking over lunch. They start to walk out when Jean asks where Sandy is. She says that Sandy is upstairs trying not to look like Humpty-Dumpty. She leaves them confused.
Jean wonders if she and Lionel are bad people. 
Every time she'll go out into the garden, every time she puts her head outside Penny will be there saying "you look thin, you look fat, you look short, you look tall, you look manic-depressive." Lionel says that Stephen will want to have chap's chats. Jean tells him that at least he doesn't find fault all the time. No, says Lionel -- "he just keeps dripping on your head like a Chinese water torture. She blames it all on the Carters and doesn't know why they moved anyway. Lionel tells her that it was so they could do the joke about Bucks Fizz. Jean thinks if Lionel tells that joke to Stephen in one of their chap's chats he'd think it was hysterical. Lionel points out that Jean smiled when she said that and she tells him it was a slip of the lip. 
Sandy comes in carefully and looks at them -- "Judy's told you then?" Lionel says that they are contemplating a suicide pact. She says it can't be that bad, but by their reactions, she realizes it can and changes the subject. She wonders if she looks like Humpty-Dumpty. Lionel gallantly tells her that if PC Plod thinks that, then his eyes aren't good enough to be on the police force. Sandy tells Lionel not to call him that -- she bets he hates police jokes. Lionel promises he won't say any to his face. Sandy tells them that she won't bring him in, if they don't mind, because she doesn't want him to see Stephen and Penny or, as Jean suggests, she might have to spend all afternoon living them down. The doorbell rings and Sandy runs to get it because she knows it's Harry. Lionel shouts at her to tell him to take his helmet off when he's skating. Jean wonders what they will do. He gives her a big cheery grin and tells her to just look on the bright side. Sandy rushes in, tells her she can see Stephen and Penny coming and says she's off.
They stand up as though they were going to face the firing squad. 
They walk to the hallway and Penny and Stephen walk in. Penny wonders who that man was who was with Sandy. Lionel tells her it was a policeman. Penny asks what she's done. Jean tells her that they're going skating and asks if they liked the house. Penny tells her they loved it. Jean looks devastated, turns around and looks at Lionel. Stephen tells Lionel he's got a strange feeling he's been in that house before. 
Lionel reminds him that his house is laid out exactly the same way as the house next door. That would account for the strange feeling he's having. Jean and Penny are sitting on the couch where Jean is saying that of course she's pleased, but she doesn't know why they're moving to London when they have a lovely house in the country. Penny reminds her that she does too, but they don't spend much time in it. Well, Lionel's father gave that house to them. 
Penny says that they aren't so lucky -- they can afford only one house. Stephen says that if they buy that house they will break the bank. Lionel tells him he doesn't want to do that. Penny says they're stagnating. Stephen thinks she makes them sound like some old pond. Penny thinks it's true -- they need a complete change. Jean tells her to have a holiday. No, they need a pertinent change. "What about Stephen's teeth?" Jean asks. Not his personal teeth, his dental practice. Lionel tells him dentists are ten a penny in London. Stephen says that won't be a problem -- he has a chum nearby who's been asking him for years to go into practice with him. 
Penny says she nearly fainted when she saw the house advertised. Such a lovely part of London and right next door to "poor Jean and Lionel." Lionel asks if anyone would like a cup of tea. Penny would. Lionel says he'll get it. Jean says she will. He tells her to relax. Penny tells Stephen to go help Lionel. Lionel says he can manage and that the three of them should chat. He grins at Jean. Stephen asks what they should chat about. "They bounce off you, don't they....hints?" Penny tells him. "Girl chat," she says, and points to the kitchen. Now Stephen understands and gets up to go into the kitchen.
Penny says she is going to be brutally honest: Jean doesn't seem to be very thrilled about the idea. Jean tells her that she'll be brutally honest too -- she's not. Penny's surprised. 
They're very fond of them -- but living next door? "You know what they say about familiarity?" No -- Penny says she doesn't know. Jean tells her it breeds contempt. "Why?" Jean doesn't know -- it's a saying. Penny says it is a silly saying. After all, they won't be living in each other's pockets. Naturally they'll be seeing a lot of one another -- and then there's the trips.... "Trips?" Yes, Penny says -- little jollies, little jaunts, little lunches -- it's going to be such fun. She giggles. Jean looks sick.
Meanwhile, back in the kitchen Stephen is rambling on about a movie he'd seen in which Stanley Holloway had a little flap in his garden shed -- it led straight into his neighbor's shed. Lionel doesn't know what he's talking about and besides, every time he walks he seems to walk straight into Stephen. 
Stephen says that when Stanley Holloway and his next door neighbor wanted to get away from their womenfolk, they'd go down to the shed, open the flaps and have a bottle of beer and a jolly good chinwag. He says that if he and Penny move in next door, he and Lionel might do the same. A startled Lionel tells him that he doesn't have a garden shed. Too bad, they could have had some very decent chinwags. Lionel asks him if he really wants to move to the city. At the end of the day, Stephen is not that keen on the idea. He prefers the country. He tells Lionel that once Penny gets an idea she's like a steam roller -- she flattens everything in her path. Lionel's finished preparing the tea and Stephen offers to take it in.
It's later that afternoon and Stephen and Penny have gone. Jean can't get over it -- "little jollies," she knows what that is -- spending three hours buying a pair of shoes. "And taking them back the next day," adds Sandy. Lionel says that she could always chat to Stephen through the flap in the shed. 
Alistair and Judith walk into the house. Judith asks him to tell her his idea, but he wants to tell everyone his knock-out idea all at once. He walks into the sombre living room and tells them that they are looking at a guy who has had a knock-out idea. Listen and wonder, he says. He walks where they can all see him. Judith sits on the couch and looks at Sandy who appears to be much higher than normal. "Am I shrinking or what?" she asks. 
Then she notices that Sandy is sitting on several cushions. She's discovered that skating isn't one of her talents. Judith thought she might go on afterwards, but Sandy says that she couldn't go on afterwards. Alistair interrupts them because he's anxious to get on with his announcement. He summarizes -- Stephen and Penny want the house next door and they're about to put in a bid. Right? "Horribly right," Jean tells him. And they really don't want this to happen. 
Right? "Incredibly right," Jean says. "What if I put in a higher bid?" Lionel asks why Alistair would want to live next door to them. He assures them that he doesn't -- he's quite happy with his penthouse by the river with the sunken bathtub. Jean wants to know what he'd do with the house next door. He tells her he'll sell it. Well, then, when it goes on sale again, Penny and Stephen will go after it. He assures her that they will never know about it because he won't advertise it. He'll have a private sale. "Did I say it was a knock-out idea or what?"
Lionel and Jean are reading in bed. He wonders what she thinks about Alistair's master plan. She doesn't think he'd actually lose money over a deal like that. No, he assures her that Alistair would not lose money. He still wants an answer -- he asked what she thought of the scheme and she only was concerned with whether or not Alistair would lose money. She wonders why he calls it a scheme. 
Plan, then. She thinks that "scheme" makes it sound devious. Let's face it, he says, it's not exactly squeaky-clean. She reminds him that it's not dishonest. Not as if they're actually cheating anyone. Lionel points out that while they are not cheating anyone, they are deceiving someone. Jean tells him that it is Alistair, not them, who would be buying the house. Lionel says they don't know anything about it. She thinks they'd never be able to look Penny and Stephen in the eyes if they knew that they'd gone along with that little scheme. He points out that now she's saying "scheme." 
"Plan," she says. He wrinkles up his face and she asks what he's doing. He tells her he's trying not to burn himself on her hot water bottle. She tells him it fell out of the bed ten minutes earlier. He wonders if she'd like him to get it for her. She points out that there was no enthusiasm in that question -- when they were younger and having an affair he'd have just sprung out and got it. He reminds her that if they were young and having an affair the hot water bottle wouldn't have been there in the first place. He asks if she wants him to get it or not. No. He asks how Sandy got on with the policeman, apart from the sore behind. Jean says that she likes him, but he's a bit sporty. He asked her to do something outdoorsy the next weekend. Lionel says he's much rather snog in the back row of the cinema. "We'd go mad," Jean says. "Unless they changed the design of cinema seats." She tells him she's talking about Penny and Stephen moving in next door. He says that Stephen wasn't that keen on moving in next door. 
"You said was." Well, he points out that it won't be happening now that Alistair's come up with this plan. They both stare ahead. "It's wrong, isn't it?" she asks. "Yes, it's wrong," he tells her. They decide it is not for them to manipulate people's lives or to decide who lives next door. He tells her she's a "decent sort." So is he. He'll call Alistair first thing in the morning and get him to abort the plan. Jean says that if Penny and Stephen get the house, they get the house and welcome. Lionel wouldn't go that far. They turn out the light. Jean tells Lionel that her feet are cold and asks him to get her the hot water bottle.
The next morning Jean and Lionel are in the kitchen.
Lionel's under the sink unscrewing the drain pipe, which is filled with gunge. Did we do that?" she asks. He tells her they must have done -- they're the ones that use the sink. The doorbell rings and Jean goes to answer it.
It's Penny and Stephen. Stephen offers his opinion on what is clogging up their drainpipe and Penny shushes him -- they didn't drive 40 miles to talk about that, she says. They've got some bad news and she felt it was only right to tell them personally. They won't be buying the house next door after all. They've been gazumped. They couldn't match the latest offer. Jean looks at Lionel and says "You phoned Alistair!" 
He tells her he did. Penny wants to know what Alistair has to do with it. Jean tells her that he had a scheme, a p-pplan, a friend, who was interested. "That's it," Lionel says. Jean knew how much Penny and Stephen wanted the house so they called Alistair to persuade his friend to pull out. Lionel agrees that that's the story. "What a very sweet thing to do!" Penny says. Lionel and Jean look positively angelic. Penny excuses herself to go to the little girl's room because Stephen is driving.
Jean looks at Stephen. "You're pleased, aren't you?" Yes, he says, he's pleased with himself. Jean wants to know why. .
He tells them that he rang the estate agent and said he was a Mr. Spiros and he bid higher than he and Penny could possibly afford. "You gazumped yourself?" asks Lionel. "In a manner of speaking, yes. Not bad for a dull-witted dentist, is it?" he tells them. Jean asks what he'll do if Mr. Spiros' offer is the highest that the estate agent gets. Stephen looks stunned. "Oh Lord," he says. Lionel says he'll phone Alistair.