Lionel walks to the dictionary and opens it. Jean walks into the living room with a large vase of flowers, sees him and observes that he looks very academic. He tells her that he's looking up a word. She wonders if it is a rude word. He says he's doing a crossword puzzle. The clue is: lose two from lollipop to flop about. "Lose two what?" He doesn't know. He was thinking perhaps two letters and says if you remove the two i's you'd end up with the word lollpop, but then lollpop isn't a word. 
She reminds him that there aren't two i's in lollipop anyway. Suddenly she says "lollop," -- that means flopping about. She starts to demonstrate. He asks if she's sure there's such a word and he looks it up in his dictionary. He finds the word and thanks her. She told him so. She grabs the paper from him. He asks what she's doing and she tells him she thinks she'll try another word. He snatches the paper back from her. "No, thank you," he says. She points out that he doesn't like to share his crosswords. "Not until I admit defeat, no." She tells him that that must be pretty often if he goes around thinking that lollipop is spelled with two i's. She peeks over his shoulder and asks what that five down beginning with VER.... He pulls the paper away from where she can see it. "All right, I'll just lollop about." The doorbell rings. She changes her mind -- she'll just lollop over and answer the front door.
Lionel looks at five down and discovers that the "E" is wrong. It should be a "G", but nothing starts VGR. Jean walks into the room with Alistair and tells him that he's interrupting nothing -- they were just lolloping around. He looks at her inquisitively and asks what, exactly, is lolloping? She tells him it's sort of flopping, you know. "Not -- he gestures his hey-hey gesture?" No, not that. She offers him some tea, but he says no -- he's there because he has some news and he wants them to be the first to know. He's sold the house next door. Lionel says "Blimey -- the v's wrong as well." Jean asks him if he heard what Alistair just said. He repeats what Alistair just said. She asks why he's still looking at the crossword puzzle then. 
He's not sure what she wants him to do. "Show some interest," she tells him. Lionel puts down the newspaper, folds his arms and sits at attention. She doesn't think that he's funny -- "we've got to live with these people." He reminds her that they're moving next door -- not moving in with them. She tells Alistair that she's interested, so he can tell her. They're a Mr. and Mrs. Duncan. That's really all he knows because he never met them -- his property guy handled all the details. Jean asks whether the guy formed any impressions. "Yes," Alistair says "they met the asking price and they were cash buyers." Jean tells him that she's very disappointed in him. Alistair looks to Lionel for some assistance. Lionel reminds Jean that Alistair did them a huge favor by buying the house in the first place -- it was a house that he never wanted -- just to stop Penny and Stephen from moving in there. Alistair tells Jean that it isn't his style to look for plaudits, but it really hurts him when she says that she's disappointed in him. She's sorry, but she can't believe he sold the house next door and all that he managed to find out was the buyers' names. He was selling them a house -- not setting them up for This is your Life. Lionel laughs because he thinks that was pretty funny. Jean gives him a dirty look.
The women are in the kitchen. Jean and Sandy are setting the table, while Judith is fixing herself some tea. "Duncan," she says. That sounds Scottish. And cash buyers -- Sandy thinks that means Scottish with a bob or two. Judith speculates that they might be Scottish bank robbers. Jean doesn't find that funny. Judith points out it isn't very likely either. Jean is resisting feeling comfortable about this sale. 
It's just that if Penny and Stephen did get the place, at least they'd know what they were getting. "Bored to death," Judith tells her. Sandy says that it isn't as if the Duncans would be tossing the caber over the garden wall or playing the bagpipes all night. Jean allows that those are extremes, but still -- they don't know. Judy wonders when they're moving in. Jean says that they don't know that either. Sandy proposes that they just wait and see what they're like. Jean thinks Sandy sounds just like Lionel when she says that. 
"Oh, dear," Sandy says just as Lionel walks into the kitchen with a small shopping bag of take-out. He sees Judith and asks questioningly if he was correct in only getting food for three. He was -- Judith is going out to dinner with Alistair and she starts to leave the kitchen to change her clothes. Jean asks if she's going anywhere nice. "Some club," she says as she leaves. Sandy notes that the only club she ever goes to is the Rugby Club. She's concerned that might have sounded envious. Jean assures her that it sounds human -- "wait until Harry is chief constable." Sandy is distributing the take-out wants to know who this container of spicy food is for. Lionel tells her it's his -- they make the dish really hot there. Jean thinks it's a wonder that he has any vocal chords left. Sandy wonders if Alistair said anything about the Duncan's having children. No they didn't. Lionel says that he's rigged up a telescope in the bedroom. Jean asks if he'd like to eat in the other room. He tells her he's fine -- they always eat in the kitchen. She meant would he like to eat alone. He says that it has an infrared lens just in case they arrive in the middle of the night. Sandy points out to Jean that they could throw curry all over him. He protests that he's just trying to change the subject, is all. They're only getting new neighbors, but she's treating it like there's an imminent invasion of the Mongol Hordes. She says she never mentioned the Mongol Hordes. "Like" he said. Sandy accuses him of being deliberately casual. He just hopes that they move in soon. Jean thinks that's a sign that he's as curious as the rest of them. He says he isn't, but until they do move in, he's going to be the low voice in the wilderness in that house.
It appears to be moving day. 
There's a huge moving truck outside and Jean is standing on her front stairs dusting the wrought iron railing. She's not looking at it, though -- she's busy checking out what's going on next door. She walks down the stairs almost onto the front sidewalk. Lionel is walking towards the house with some books under his arms. Jean's busily staring at the movers -- her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open. 
Lionel comes up behind her and asks what she thinks she's doing. She tells him not to sneak up on her like that -- she's cleaning the stonework. With a J Cloth? She asks him what he would use. He accuses her of being nosy. She admits to being curious. "It's just furniture," he says. She tells him that you can tell a lot about people by their furniture -- she can't think of any examples. He suggests that she offer to clean the removal van -- she can get a better look at the furniture that way. He starts walking up the stairs. She balls up the cloth and throws it at his head. He turns around and smiles at her. She decides to follow him into the house.
Sandy's at the office talking with Jean on the telephone. No, she doesn't think it's particularly peculiar that there was just furniture and no people -- perhaps they'll come later on in the day. She tells Jean that she'll give Judy the details and hangs up. 
There's a knock on the door. The secretary shows Alistair into Sandy's office, saying that there's a Mr. Deacon there to see her. She didn't quite get the whole introduction out in one breath, though, because Alistair just sort of burst in behind her. He tells the young secretary that this is here, this is now and that she should call him Alistair. She demurs -- she always calls older men Mister. He feels his face to make sure nothing's noticeably sagging. He can't believe she said that. "Pretty girl," he tells Sandy after she leaves. "Not that you don't look drop dead gorgeous, yourself." Sandy points out that he never stops, does he? "It's like being a bee in a garden of beautiful flowers," he says to her. He asks what she's doing that evening and she answers that she's talking a long, hot bath. He says it's tempting, but he thought they might go out. "Alistair!" she says, just as Judith walks in. Judith asks what he's doing there. "Asking me out," Sandy tells her. Judy says that's funny, but she thought she heard her say that Alistair was asking her out. He confirms that he is, but he's asking her and Harry to go out with them. 
Sandy asks why he would ask them out. He pulls some tickets from his pocket and blows on them as though it burned him to hold them. He drops them on Judy's desk and says they're h-h-h-hot tickets. Judith looks at them. She's delighted -- that show's been sold out for the last ten years. Sandy says she'd like to go, but... He understands and asks her to consult with Harry. He's got to go -- he's in a hurry because he has to get to the palace. Lambert Palace, that is. He has a meeting with a bishop who's written an anti-bullfighting book. He tells Sandy to check with Harry and call him on the mobile phone later. Judith points out that he hasn't actually asked her if she wants to go. He walks up in front of her desk and asks -- each word distinctly -- do you want to go? She tells him that's a silly question. On his way out he says that he's anxious to meet Harry -- they shall get on like a house on fire. He leaves. Sandy tells Judy that Jean phoned. Judy doesn't really have to guess why. Sandy tells her that the furniture has arrived, but the Duncans haven't. Judith wonders what Jean reads into that. Sandy speculates that she's probably compiling a list at this very moment.
Jean's in the kitchen stirring something that's in a pot on the stove. Lionel walks in and says that he thought she was in the bath. She tells him that she was. 
He was waiting for her in bed. She doesn't remember any law that says you have to go to bed after the bath. She asks if he'd like a drink. He reminds her that it's after midnight and the Duncans are hardly likely to arrive this late. She's not waiting up for them -- she just fancied a drink. "What was that!" he asks. She's startled and turns around quickly. He tells her that he thought he saw a pig fly past the window. His sarcasm is lost on her. She says that Penny and Stephen aren't that bad really. Lionel thinks that he drones and she twitters. 
"But basically they're decent people," Jean realizes. "Whereas this new lot..." Jean just looks at him. She pours the drink she was making into her mug and tells Lionel that she's taking it up to bed. "Are you coming?" she asks. He tells her that it isn't unknown for the furniture to arrive before the people. She claims not to know what he's talking about and walks out of the kitchen, saying good night to Sandy as she passes her in the hall. Sandy walks into the kitchen after her date. Lionel asks if she had a good evening. She tells him that yes, she did. She says she thinks he looks cuddly in his dressing gown. He's quite taken with himself. Then she walks up to him and puts her hands on his shoulder. "Sandy?" he asks. She sighs that she didn't have a nice time at all. "Harry didn't take to Alistair?" She wonders how he knew that.
He says he speaks from experience when he says that it takes a bit of time to take to Alistair. Harry thinks that Alistair is flash. "Let's face it, he is," Lionel tells her. Yes, she knows, but that isn't Alistair's intention, that it's just Alistair. He's started calling Harry, "Har" -- pronounced hair. Lionel sympathizes -- he just got used to Alistair's calling him "Li." And his chucking around money as though it were confetti doesn't really endear him to someone who is struggling along on a police constable's salary. Lionel tells her that he probably only earns coppers. Sandy just lets that pass. "You know the worst bit?" He guesses that Judy doesn't like Harry. That isn't it -- the worst thing is that Alistair has already started planning a program of future events. He's already started referring to the couple as the A-Team. Lionel tells her that he doesn't really know what he would do. She says it's all right -- she just wanted a shoulder to cry on.
Jean rushes into the kitchen hollering "They're here. They're here." She announces excitedly that the Duncans have arrived. He asks if she's been standing by the bedroom window again. She says that she was lying in bed and she heard a car arrive so she got out to see who it was -- that's what one does, isn't it? "You do," he tells her. Anyway, she reports -- they've arrived. Sandy asks what they did. 
She tells them that they got out of the car and walked into the house. Lionel says that's pretty outlandish behaviour. "Lionel, please," Jean says. Sandy asks if there's more. She is forced to admit there there is no more. But they have arrived. Lionel announces that "on that thunderous anti-climax, I think I'll go to bed." Sandy goes to bed. Lionel asks her if she thinks he looks cuddly in his dressing gown. "Not particularly." He wonders asks if she's coming to bed. She's still thinking -- it's a pecular time to arrive. Lionel suggests they might be vampires -- maybe they can only go out at night.
Judy's in the hallway and asks Sandy if she's ready. Nearly. Jean races down the stairs asking why they didn't call her. 
Judy tells her they are big girls now and don't need her to see them across the road. She just thought she'd see them off, she says. "Why?" Judith asks, suspiciously. "Because I just thought I'd see you off." Judith and Sandy smile at each other knowingly. Jean opens the front door and picks up the two bottles of milk which are on the front landing. Her eyes are riveted on the flat next door. Judith tells her that they're probably not up yet. Jean wonders who she's talking about. Judith shakes her head. "I'll ring you at work if there are any developments." 
Judith asks what sort of developments Jean is talking about. She says she'd better go in before Lionel starts making jokes about washing the stonework again. Judith tells her that Lionel has gone out. She wonders what he's doing up so early in the morning. He told the girls he had to go and buy some brown sauce. Jean says that he does do the oddest things sometimes. And she stares over at the flat next door again. The girls look at one another, give her a "lookwhostalking" look and walk off. They start walking away and turn around to see that Jean is still staring next door. They poke one another and Jean sees them and walks up the stairs and into the house.
Jean walks into the kitchen, puts away the milk, thinks for a second, looks in the cabinet and takes a bottle of brown sauce and puts it in the middle of the kitchen table. Lionel, all suited up, walks into the kitchen carrying a newspaper and a bottle of brown sauce. He puts the bottle into the cabinet saying that he'd had a taste for thin sausages -- the kind that brown sauce goes very well with.
She's laid her trap and she's just waiting for him to fall into it. She's just going to have toast, she tells him. That's all he wants, too. She reminds him about the sausages. He's gone off the idea. She asks him to set the table. He doesn't even notice the bottle of sauce sitting there. She stares at him, smiling smugly, with her arms folded in front of her. He sits down to read the paper. "Anything in the papers?" she asks. He tells her that it's the usual claptrap. He's forgotten the sugar, she says. He gets up to get it and puts it on the table, finally noticing the bottle of brown sauce. He picks it up and tells her that he could have sworn that he put that in the cabinet. She gets a huge grin on her face, puts her hands on her hips and waits for this to play out. He opens the cabinet, sees the other bottle and takes them both out. "Hah-hahhhh!" she shrieks. 
"What?" he asks. She says it again. He tells her to stop saying that -- it makes her sound like a pantomime villain. She accuses him of not needing brown sauce at all -- there was a bottle in the cupboard the whole time. He says he didn't see it. "Really?" And he didn't want sausages at all. He wanted them at first, but then decided he didn't. She finds that to be very convenient. He asks for some coffee. "Well?" she asks. He wonders what is convenient about deciding to have toast instead of sausages. She starts to mock him: it's women who are curious, women who are meant to be nosy -- but not men, oh no, not them -- they don't even know the meaning of the word. He asks if that diatribe is supposed to be an answer to his question. She just wants him to own up -- sausages he didn't want to eat, sauce they already had -- she's sure it was just an excuse for him to have a little snoop around. He says that she's being silly. "Me? You didn't even have enough sense to hide the bottle we already had." He can't believe the way she's going on.
He tells her it's like an engineered infection -- like sneezing all over everyone when you've got a cold. He's talking about the "curiosity bug." And she's got it -- not one, but millions and now she's trying to spread it around to him. For the last time, he says -- "I did not see the bottle of sauce in the cupboard, I did fancy sausages for breakfast and what is the point of snooping around a house whose front door is closed?"
And finally, he adds -- he didn't even pass the house because the corner shop is in the other direction. She's speechless, almost. She supposes that she would like him to be a little bit curious. "Thank you," he says, thinks that resolves the issue. Not so fast. She does her best impression of Angela Lansbury. Her eyes widen -- "Just a minute, you said the shop was in the other direction from next door." He says that she knows very well that it is. How,then, did he know whether the front door was open or closed if he didn't pass the house? He admits he might just have glanced. "Hah-hahhh!" Again he asks her to stop doing that. "Hah-hahhh!" -- she says it again.
Back at the office Sandy is just finishing a conversation with a Mr. Willett. She thanks him for selecting the agency with which to do business. The secretary shows Jean in and is cut off in her attempt to announce her. Judith introduces her to the girl, Polly, who has no problem with calling her Jean.
She tells her that she is somewhat of a legend around the office. "Were?" She changes it to "are", which is what she says she meant to say, and asks if she can get her tea or coffee. Jean tells her no and she leaves for the front office. Jean mentions that she's a child. And that she called her "Jean." Sandy points out that they're a bit less formal these days. Jean observes that they've made some changes, moved things round a bit. She likes it, though. Judith asks if it's some sort of snap inspection. Of course not. She tells them that she's going to do something and she wants them to back her up. "It's not a heist is it?" Sandy asks. "No, it's the Duncans," she says. They appear to be tired of hearing about them. Jean says she just wants to invite them over on Saturday morning for a drink -- a sort of "hello and welcome." Sandy wonders what Lionel said. Well, that's it, she hasn't told Lionel yet and wants them to back up the idea. "Well?" Will they help? 
Sandy questions "How much?" She looks at Judy. "We don't actually have to be there?" asks Judith. She tells them that Lionel is accusing her of spreading the curiousity bug and all the time he's spreading the anti-social bug. "So that's an order then?" Jean sits down at her old desk and tells them that sometimes she thinks about coming back and taking everything over again. Suddenly the girls assure her that they'd be happy to be there on Saturday morning. 
The telephone rings and Jean answers it out of habit. She hands the phone to Judith who talks to the woman, Linda Castle, and calls her another satisfied customer. Jean doesn't remember anyone named Linda Castle and Judith tells her that she's a new client. Apparently the transition has taken. Sandy wants to get back to the issue of what they have to do to back her up about the Saturday get together. They have to exercise the art of persuasion. Sandy reminds her that Lionel is not a fool -- fluttering eyelashes, little girlie voices and a bit of leg won't work with him.
The secretary walks in and tries to announce that Mr. Hardcastle has arrived -- but as in all of her previous attempts, she never quite gets the announcement made. "She's very young, isn't she?" Lionel observes. Jean tells him that that's what she said. She asks what he's doing there.
She said she might pop into the office so he thought he'd pop in as well. She tells him he doesn't work there. He answers that she doesn't either. Anyway, he came there to spare them the performance that evening. She says she doesn't know what he's talking about. The all-closing-in-on-him-on-the-settee performance -- the "oooh Lionel aren't you a weel old tweetie" performance. Sandy thinks she doesn't talk like that. No, and she doesn't snuggle up on the settee so there's a lot of knee about either -- he doesn't object to that, mind her. Jean tells him that she has no idea what he's talking about. He says that they're all dying to see what the new neighbors are like, but the old curmudgeon has to be persuaded. He tells them that he invited them for drinks on Saturday. Jean can't believe he's actually done something sociable. He says he's only trying to get it over with.
It's Saturday morning and the Duncans are in the living room. Sandy walks into the kitchen where Judith is seated at the table.
She says Jean wants to know if Judith is going to bring in the fresh nibbles or what. She was just trying to buy some time -- she asks if Sandy thinks they're going to go home soon. Sandy hopes so. Judith would rather go to the dentists' then sit with those people. Sandy tells her that if she makes a quick appointment she'll come with her. Things are moving slowly in the living room. The conversation is slow and stilted. Jean asks if he said that his son had emigrated. Yes, to Queensland. His wife corrects him, in a fashion, saying that he went to Australia. Mr. Duncan says he assumes they know that Queensland is in Australia. Mrs. Duncan tells him that you wouldn't say someone emigrated to Birmingham, you'd say they'd gone to England. Lionel says he's never been to Birmingham. Jean has. Mrs. Duncan tells her husband he could have meant Birmingham, Tennessee. He corrects her -- it's Birmingham, Alabama. She points out that he's in a geographic mood. Judith walks in with more nibbles that no-one wants. The conversation stops again. Jean asks if they'd seen the Rugby Internationals the other week. Obviously they've had an argument about it previously. Obviously they've had a lot of arguments about a lot of things.
The question seems to have brought the argument back into the foreground. Jean interrupts them by saying that Lionel loves Rugby. Mr. Duncan -- Alex -- says that he doesn't love it, but it's something to watch. Mrs. Duncan -- Ruth -- claims that when he talked to her about wanting to see the game, he talked about it as though it were a matter of life or death. Again they need some interrupting. Judith tells them that Sandy is going out with a policeman. One who likes Rugby, Sandy adds. Jean wonders if they know any policemen. They once knew someone in the Coast Guard. Ruth says that it was Alex who knew him -- she only met him once. They start to argue over whether she knew him or just met. 
"Does it really matter?" Lionel interrupts them loudly. They all stare at him as though he's been dreadfully rude. He tries to recover by finishing a sentence he hadn't intended to speak "whether we adopt a European currency or not?" Mrs. Duncan tells him to ask Alex -- he's the financial wizard. He says he doesn't claim to be a wizard -- he only takes the Financial Times. The girls ask if the Duncans would like more drinks or nibbles, but Mrs. Duncan says that they really should go because they're in the middle of unpacking. Jean tells her that she told Lionel that he really shouldn't have bothered them so soon after they moved in. It was very kind of them, and they really should come over to their house once they've gotten settled. Mrs. Duncan says goodbye to Judith and Sandy, who she calls Cindy, and Jean walks them to the door. Lionel grins at the girls and joins Jean at the front door.
Judy and Sandy are alone on the couch. 
Judy says that she tries not to make too many snap judgments, but.... Sandy tells her that if she ever has to meet them again she will really insist on being paid. Jean and Lionel walk back into the room. Lionel thanks Jean for the one about his bothering them so soon. She's sorry, but she was desperate for something to say. 
Sandy points out that it didn't matter what anyone said -- they always found a way to argue about it. The doorbell rings. "They wouldn't come back, would they?" Jean asks. Jean tells Sandy to get it. She says she will, but if it's them, she'll faint dead away and leave the rest up to them. Judith thinks it's no wonder their son emigrated. Suddenly it seems as though Penny and Stephen are the most desirable neighbors in the world. It's Alistair with one hey-hey-hey too many. They all look at him. He wants to know if it's something he said.
Alistair and Lionel are having drinks at the pub. Alistair apologizes but Lionel assures him that it isn't his fault -- he can hardly have been expected to screen all of the prospective buyers himself. 
Perhaps they can be persuaded to leave. Lionel points out that they only just moved in. Well, Alistair knows a few faces. Lionel thinks he should forget it -- after all, they do live in the approximation of a democracy. He doesn't think that they'll have much to do with them anyway. Alistair changes the subject and asks if "Har" is going to be on duty that weekend. He was thinking of inviting the A-Team out. Lionel gives him a bit of advice -- he says that Alistair should not call him "Har" because Sandy told him he doesn't like it. Alistair tells him that he's processed that information and he wonders if, while they're having this guy-to-guy chat, he has any other tips to offer him. Lionel says that he knows it's difficult for him, but he should try not to be so.... He's interrupted by the ringing of Alistair's cell phone. Alistair answers it and it's flash all over again. It's Emile and what's another $5000 and he'll see him in Prague on Tuesday. He hangs up and does a bah-dum-bump riff on the table. Alistair wants him to finish his sentence -- try not to be so... -- but Lionel tells Alistair to forget about that one.
"Oh dear," says Lionel, as he spots Alex walking into the pub sporting a black eye. 
Alistair asks if he had the black eye earlier. No, he felt like punching him, but he didn't.
Alistair points out that that's pretty sad because he's a guy. Jean rushes into the pub with something to tell them about Alex Duncan. Lionel tells her to lower her voice because he's at the bar. Alistair offers to buy her a champagne cocktail, but she tells him not now. What about him, Lionel wants to know. Jean says that he's a wife-beater. Seems Ruth left her scarf and the girls wouldn't take it over to her because they said that they'd made enough sacrifices for one day, so she took it over to their house. She tells them that Ruth had a black eye. They start to laugh. Jean thinks it's not funny -- the man is obviously a brute. He tells her that it evens out because Alex has a black eye too. She hasn't! Lionel wonders if the feminine of brute is brutess. She again says it isn't funny. Lionel is curious about who punched who first. Alistair suggests they might have punched each other simultaneously. 
He brings both fists up to his eyes and they start laughing again. Jean points out that they have to live next to those people. Lionel assures them it will be okay as long "as they don't start on us." She thinks she'll have that drink now. Alistair stands up to get the drink. "My my," he says -- a woman with a black eye just walked into the pub. Alex and Ruth stare at one another. "Like a western isn't it?" asks Alistair. Jean asks what they should do. Lionel whispers that they should stay right out of it. Alex and Ruth fall into one anothers arms. He lifts her up and carries her out of the pub. Alistair grins and says "Well, they're not dull, are they?"