Sandy is standing on the sidelines at Harry's rugby game and she's shivering. A woman who is all bundled up and who is, apparently not afraid to look like Humpty-Dumpty, runs up towards her and watches the game for a moment. She says it's a bit nippy and asks if Sandy is wearing thermal underwear. Sandy tells her that she isn't. The girl tells her she ought to be wearing them: "Hello Boys, they're not, but they do the job." 
She asks which policeman is Sandy's and Sandy points out Harry. She pronounces him "Dish---y" and says hers is the Neanderthal. Sandy isn't sure what to say. "He's very...." The woman finishes her sentence: "Neanderthal, but he's a sweetie." The game is over and the woman joins her chap. Harry walks over to Sandy, tells her what a great game it was and says he'll see her in the bar. He runs off, leaving Sandy, who is wearing heels, with one shoe stuck in the grass. She calls after Harry for some help, but he just keeps running with the crowd. After a some trouble she manages to get her shoe free.
Meanwhile Alistair and Judith are at his apartment making out on the couch. 
He's all over her -- so much so that if you didn't see her hand and a bit of her knee it would appear as though he's alone. He tells her that he loves rugby. She reminds him that the match ended five minutes earlier. He didn't mean that sort of rugby. He wants to know if she wants some more champagne or should he explain what a maul is again. She thinks she understands. She starts to tickle him and they roughhouse a bit. He's going to take a shower -- it's a post match tradition.
Lionel is watching television -- practically sitting on top of it. 
Jean opens the front door and hollers "Hello" but Lionel doesn't react at all. She walks into the living room and asks him who won the Rugby match. He says "Yes, it's just finished." She looks confused and questions his answer. He tells her that she asked if he watched the Rugby and he said yes, it's just finished. She repeats the question, but a little louder this time. She asks who won. Us. Who? England -- this sceptored Isle set in a silver seal -- won. She doesn't react and he tells her not to get too excited. "It's only a game." He hates when women say that. She does a mock cheer and wonders if it satisfies him. Perhaps that was a bit excessive. She reminds him that when England lost to France last season he wouldn't buy anything from Marks & Spencer's that had French writing on it. Well, that was different -- that was France, he tells her with disdain. Jean mentions that Sandy's watching Harry's rugby game that afternoon. He thinks the police team has an unfair advantage. Why? Think of the impact as all those pointed helmets go down in the scrum. Jean says that Harry is so nice -- she wishes he'd stop making police jokes. Lionel doesn't do it to his face. It's just as well, she says, his road tax is out of date. She laughs at her joke. He thinks it isn't funny. She asks if he wants lasagna or cannelloni for dinner. He says "Yes, that's fine." Again she asks "which?" "Which what? She says that she doesn't mind whether they have either one. He doesn't know what she's talking about. He wonders why she's suddenly introducing lasagna into the conversation. 
She recaps the previous conversation: she asked whether he wanted lasagna or cannelloni and he said "Yes, that's fine." She asks if he heard the question. He assures her he did. She wonders why, then, he said "Yes, that's fine," in answer to it. He stumbles a bit and then tells her it was because he has great faith in her culinary skills and he's sure that whatever she makes will be delicious. "As opposed to not actually having heard what I said in the first place?" Hmmmmmmmm. She hopes that they don't lose to France again this season.
Judith's just finished her shower and walks into Alistair's living/dining room. She notices that the table is set for dinner. Alistair, who is sitting on the couch watching her, tells her that he thought they'd eat in because it saves getting dressed. She says she loves subtlety.
So does he -- what does she have in mind? "Something to eat, actually." As you wish. She wants to know what it is about men -- the general rule is that every time a woman says she's hungry the man sits there and expects her to cook something. He's disappointed in that generalization and reminds her that he's never been the general rule. She wonders whether or not he'll cook something. He says that he's sent out for dinner -- there's a very decent local caff. She smiles at him tenderly and observes that no, he's never been the general rule. They're cuddling and he has his hand on her knee. She asks him what he's thinking about. He says "Sandy." Slowly she repositions his hand so that it no longer touches her. He assures her that it is not that sort of thought -- Sandy's a mate. He was thinking about the bad luck that Sandy seems to always have with men and asks her who she's going out with now. Judith tells him about Sandy's policeman, Harry. 
He wonders where a girl goes with a policeman and Judith says that that afternoon she's gone to watch him play Rugby. No -- he means long-term. "Since when have you ever thought long-term? He says that a guy gets older -- even him. She says that you should never judge anyone by what they do or where they live or how much money they've got. The bell rings and Alistair gets up to open the door. On the way he tells Judith that she's right -- he adds that "it doesn't hurt." He says that's the dinner. 
He opens the door and a man walks in, speaking Italian, and he hugs Alistair. Alistair introduces him as a prince among caff owners and the man motions to his people to come in. Two employees walk in, one with a rolling cart with food under a huge dome and the other with a domed-tray and a bouquet of flowers. The owner takes the bouquet of flowers and hands them to Judith. "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady." She's blushing and grinning from ear to ear. She thanks him and tells Alistair "no, it doesn't hurt."
Sandy walks in the front door and sees Lionel in the hallway. He was just on his way to make coffee and asks if she'd like some. She says yes. 
She tells him she's been to a rugby match. Lionel, who was walking away from her at the time, says "Yes, I did. England won." She looks puzzled and walks into the living room. 
She's surprised to see Jean crawling around on the floor. She's looking for a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that she and Lionel had been working on. She's missing a piece with an "eye." Sandy thinks that the manufacturers always leave one piece out just to drive you crackers. She glances over the table and finds the piece immediately. Jean takes a closer look at it and tells Sandy she thought it was a flower. She thinks she might need new glasses. "Pardon?" says Lionel as he walks in with the coffee. Jean tells him that the eye was there all the time -- Sandy found it. He points out that she had said that the piece was a flower. She tells him not to be so cocky -- he agreed with her. He starts to put the tray on the table, but Jean tells him not to put it on top of the puzzle. 
He says that he's not going to stand there holding it. Sandy says that they just have to push the puzzle aside. Jean's afraid it will break apart, but Sandy assures her that it won't if you do it carefully. There's a trick to it, which she starts to explain, but it's too late -- the puzzle comes apart. Well, now Lionel can put down the tray. Jean's annoyed and says "...if you'd just brought the mugs in the first place..." He didn't hear what she said. "What?" She tells him never mind.
Lionel asks what Sandy and Harry did that afternoon. She tells him that she already told him that she watched him play rugby. He asks her when she told him. "When I came in." Now he says he remembers -- of course she did. She and Jean look at one another. He asks who Harry's team played. She doesn't know -- another lot of policemen. He asks her if the referee made any arrests. Jean sternly says "Lionel." She tells Sandy that she used to watch Lionel play rugby. Sandy says that she doesn't even like the game. Neither did Jean, but she thinks that you have to watch it when your chaps are playing. Well, at least she must have had a nice meal afterwards. Sandy, not looking really pleased about it, says she had baked beans and sausages in the club bar. This makes Lionel hungry -- he could really go for some of that now. Jean tells him she won't cook it for him. Neither will Sandy. It was just a thought -- he doesn't think they have baked beans anyway. Sandy's frustrated. Seems that Harry's whole life is sports -- either she watches him play sports or they watch someone else play sports. 
Jean wonders if she has any sports of her own. Not unless you count stumbling around on an ice rink and getting a sore behind. "On the other hand, it might be worth a look," says Lionel, who gets up to have a look -- they might have some baked beans somewhere. Usually when Lionel gets up it's because he's embarrassed to stay around, but Sandy says she's hardly gone into any spicy details. Jean wonders if there are any spicy details. None -- she sat with the girls and the men stood at the bar. She wonders whatever happened to romance. Jean assures her it's still around. Sandy knows -- look and her and Lionel. Lionel is still romantic at heart -- he says romantic things, says Sandy. Just then Lionel walks into the living room moaning "that's typical, we did have some baked beans after all, but there isn't a sausage in the house." Jean and Sandy burst into laughter. He asks what's funny. Jean tells him that they were just saying romance isn't dead. "Who's dead?" Lionel asks. "Nobody's dead," she tells him and says very loudly that they were just saying romance isn't dead. He tells her that she doesn't need to shout -- "I'm not deaf."
Lionel is at the butcher shop buying his sausages. 
He walks out the door and passes a store that sells hearing aids. 
He stops to look in the window. A gentleman is standing near the door on his way in and asks Lionel if he's thinking of buying.Lionel stares at him. The man tells him that the hearing aid specialists are very good indeed. The problem with his hearing aid is that it has developed a high-pitched whistle, but he's sure they'll sort it out. He opens the door and asks if Lionel's coming in. Lionel turns and quickly walks the other way.
Alistair, who is brushing his teeth walks into his living room. "Li? Going deaf?" Yes, Judith tells him. 
"Li?" he asks again. No, she's talking about Beethoven. He apologizes for asking again, but it's difficult to accept. Lionel's his main man -- his best mate. Lionel may not accept the fact, but he is. 
Is she sure? Judith assures him that this has been going on for weeks -- lots of pardons, lots of whats, all irritable. And if you're more than ten feet away he doesn't hear you at all. Alistair asks if Jean has noticed. Judith assures him that it is impossible not to notice, but Jean hasn't said anything to him. "Somebody's got to say something to him," he says. Yes, says Judith and a big grin comes across her face. "Like his best mate." He looks trapped.
Jean's ironing and Sandy's drying the dishes. Jean thinks that "losing one's faculties" is a horrible expression. 
She wishes that Lionel would own up. Either that, Sandy says, or they will all have to talk very loudly. Jean tells Sandy that Lionel is very fond of her. She's flattered...until she realizes that Jean is trying to get her to introduce the subject to Lionel. He won't be if I tell him, she says. "And he's very fond of Judy." Sandy reminds her that while it is true he's fond of both Sandy and Judy, he loves Jean. "But what do I say?" Sandy tells her to use her diplomatic skills. What kind of diplomatic skills? 
"Those that come with ayyyy [she stops just short of saying "age"].....maturity." Jean gives her a dirty look says that hers haven't arrived yet. They hear the door. "You'll stay?" Jean asks. Sandy says "Have I ever let you down?" "No," she sighs with relief in her voice. "There's always a first time." Sandy starts to leave the kitchen as Lionel walks in with the newspaper and his bag of sausages. Jean shouts "Sandy," but Sandy says hello to Lionel and bumps into him. He asks her what the hurry is -- she stops, tells him "cowardice" and leaves.
"Did she say cowardice?" he asks. He wants to know what Sandy's talking about. "Cowardice I suppose," she answers. Jean tells him that she's just making conversation. He doesn't know why he even bothers asking questions in that house, he says. He tells Jean that he got some sausages. "That's nice," she says. He reminds her that she hasn't looked at them yet. No -- she shouts -- that's nice. She tells him that she thinks he's getting a bit deaf. He looks at her and says "Pardon?" She asks him to sit down. Lionel tells her that the butcher makes the sausages himself. Jean doesn't know how to begin. 
She clears her throat. Lionel asks if she has something to say. She starts: "that eye -- I really did think it was a flower." She mouths the words very carefully so Lionel will be sure to hear her. She tells him that she thinks she might need a stronger prescription for her glasses. It's just common sense. There's no shame attached. There are opticians and they make glasses -- well, they might not make glasses but they prescribe lenses for frames which are made by somebody else. And if there is a deterioration in one's eyesight then they prescribe different lenses. Lionel doesn't know what she's talking about. "There's nothing wrong in that is there?" she asks him. No, he tells her that that was a flawless description of an optician's job. There's nothing wrong with going to an optician, she means. She's just facing the facts. Mercifully, the doorbell rings just then. Lionel gets up to get it. Jean tells him that she hasn't finished yet but he advises her to let him take in the first bit first.
The doorbell keeps ringing and Lionel wonders whatever happened to patience. It's Judith and Alistair. She tells Lionel that she forgot her key. 
Alistair asks Lionel if they can have a word. "If we must," he says and tells Alistair to go through into the living room. Judith asks if Jean is in the kitchen, but his back is turned to her and he doesn't hear the question. He tells Alistair to sit down. Judith looks at Alistair and mouths the words "see what I mean?" She leaves. "This word?" asks Lionel. Alistair looks at him and says that first of all, he loves him. 
Lionel wishes he wouldn't say things like that. Alistair, too, speaks loudly and forms his words very carefully: "okay, but it's said and it was meant." Lionel asks him if there is something wrong with his mouth. "No, why?" Lionel tells him that when he talks, his jaw keeps wobbling about and he's shouting as well. He stops shouting and asks if that's better. Lionel says it is. 
"Mind you we're sitting quite close together." Lionel tells him that as long as they don't sit unnaturally close, he doesn't mind. Okay -- he gathers his thoughts. He begins by telling Lionel he is aware of a problem. "You've noticed then?" Lionel asks. Alistair tells him he can't honestly say that he has, but both Judy and Sandy have. "She's worried about her eyes," Lionel tells him. Alistair is confused. Lionel tells him he just said he was aware of a problem and that's the problem: "Jean is worried about her eyes." Alistair looks as though he might cry. Lionel asks if he heard him. He did. Lionel says that he was nearly shocked this morning when she told him she was worried about her eyesight. She told him it might be only a slight change in prescription, but he knows she's worried about it. "Li, I'm so sorry," Alistair says. He tells Alistair not to get it out of proportion: he loves Jean dearly, but she is a bit of a worrier. Chances are that a slight change of prescription is all she needs. Alistair says "Let's hope so" and he excuses himself, takes out his cell phone and places a call. His friend answers. Alistair tells him that he knows it's Sunday, but he needs a favor....
Judith is in the kitchen arranging the flowers that Alistair gave her. Jean tells her that it is very noble of Alistair to offer to talk with Lionel about his hearing problem. 
Judith says "well, Lionel's not going to kill him, is he?" Jean observes that it's gone very quiet, perhaps he's done it already. She wonders if he'll break it gently. Judith assures her that Alistair is really a very caring person. Sandy walks in and asks how it went. Jean, who's still ironing tells her that she has half a mind not to tell her because she ran off the way she did. Sandy offers to finish the ironing. Jean won't hold her to it because there's nothing to tell -- she was just going to talk with Lionel about his hearing when suddenly Alistair arrived and thank goodness for that. Sandy tells her that that's just postponing the inevitable. 
No, he's breaking the news to Lionel. Sandy calls him a brave man. Lionel pops into the kitchen and asks Jean if they can have a word with her. She looks frightened and walks out. Lionel and Jean walk thru the hall towards the living room when Alistair races towards the front door. Lionel tells him that he doesn't have to go, but Alistair says they've already had their guy-to-guy thing and now it's time for a guy-to-girl thing. He'll be across the street at the pub. When he's done wagging chins, he should come over there and Alistair will buy him a half. Lionel tells him he'll see him later.
They go into the living room. Jean asks how it went. Lionel figures Alistair left because he thought it was a personal matter. She speaks louder -- "No, I said how did it go?" He tells her it went very well indeed. She's pleased. 
"And you're all right?" He assures her that he's fine. He wonders why she didn't just tell him. She says she was trying to find a way to lead up to it. All that babble in the kitchen about eye tests and lenses. She thinks it's a difficult subject to broach. He supposes it is. He tells her that despite all the babble, he realized what she was talking about just as he let Alistair in. Jean's glad that Lionel talked it over with him. "He can actually listen when he wants to," Lionel tells her. Jean tries to reassure him -- "there's no shame in any of this." Lionel tells her that of course there's no shame in it and he doesn't know why she keeps using the word. She wonders what the next step would be. 
Lionel assures her that the next step has already been taken -- that's the great thing about Alistair: he always seems to know the right people. Alistair has arranged an appointment for tomorrow morning with one of the top men in the field. Jean is thrilled and relieved. Both agree that this is an appointment which must be kept. Lionel feels that they can learn a lot from this experience. If something like this comes up again, they can save themselves a lot of worry if they come straight to the point and don't go round the houses. She agrees that it would certainly make life simpler. 
He starts to get up and says that he's going to pop off to the pub to have that swift half with Alistair. She gives him a big kiss. He tells her that he's only going to the pub. She says that she's very proud of him. "You wouldn't expect me to do nothing, would you?" he asks. 
She says no. Just before he leaves, he turns and tells her that Alistair assured him that this was one of the top eye specialists in the country. "You couldn't be in better hands." She looks very surprised. As he leaves, Sandy and Judith run into the living room and ask how it went. "I think you could say not exactly as planned." Sandy asks if Lionel has backed out of having his ears tested. "No, he's arranged for me to have my eyes tested," she says.
Lionel and Alistair are in the pub. 
Lionel says it just occurred to him that when he and Judith came in that morning Alistair said that he wanted to have a word with him and then he introduced the subject about Jean's eyesight and they talked about that so Alistair never did get his word. He wants to know what Alistair wanted to talk about.
"No-one else has brought the subject up then?" Alistair asks. Lionel wonders why he finds himself getting suspicious. Not angry? Lionel doesn't know yet. He tells Alistair to spit it out. Alistair tells him that he and Judy had a little talk this morning. "Where did you go?" Alistair tells him it was a little talk not a little walk. Judy's worried you might be getting a bit deaf. "What?" Alistair starts to repeat, but Lionel tells him that he heard what he said and and hasn't heard so much nonsense in all of his life.
Sandy and Jean are chatting in the living . 
Jean tells her that next Saturday should be better since it's the club dance. Sandy agrees it should be better -- assuming the chaps dance with the girls and not with each other. The telephone rings and Jean gets up to answer it, but it stops and she figures that Judith must have gotten it. Jean tells Sandy that Lionel's Rugby Club once had a dance, but Lionel refused to take her. Judith comes into the room with some wine and glasses. She tells them that she thinks they may need a drink: that was Alistair on the phone -- that he finally got around to telling Lionel and Lionel just stormed out of the pub. Jean tells the girls to go but they insist that there's safety in numbers. They hear the door. Lionel walks into the living room and Judith says hello to him and extends the bottle of wine. He glares at her, ignores the offer of the wine and walks directly to his seat on the green leather chair. "Do you know what that fool in the pub has just told me?" he asks. They appear ready to deny all knowledge, but he tells them he knows that they're all in on it. He tells them he is not a boy... Jean starts to deny that anyone ever said he was but he tells he wants to finish and she sits down quietly. 
Lionel continues -- and because he's not a boy his knees crack if he gets up too quickly, sometimes he falls asleep in front of the television and once in a while he'll admit to missing the odd word -- but he's not ready for an ear trumpet yet. "Have you finished?" Jean asks him. He has, for the moment. She tells him that no-one said anything about an ear trumpet and he is missing not the odd word, but more and more words every time. He tells her that that's rubbish.
Judith tells him that Jean is right. This morning she asked if mom was in the kitchen and he didn't even answer. He claims he didn't answer because he didn't know. Sandy asks what about last night when she said she'd been to a Rugby match and he said "Yes I did. England won." Well, they did. "Oh really!" Jean says. Lionel is adamant. Before they start "oh reallying" they should consider this: he thinks that all three of them have unnaturally soft voices. This makes them laugh. "It's a wonder I hear anything at all with you whispering all the time!" Judith reminds him that even when he's there alone watching television he always has the sound up full blast. He blames that on the BBC -- the sound level is never the same two programs running. 
Jean tells him to face facts and stop making excuses. They aren't accusing him of anything -- they all care about him and want to help. She says there's no point in turning a blind eye to his hearing. He wonders if that's a mixed metaphor. He asks them to consider the fact that they are now having a conversation in which, despite their soft voices, he has heard every word. 
Sandy tells him it could have something to do with the fact that not one of them is more than four feet away from him. "Exactly!" Jean gets up. She tells Judith to stand far to the left front of Lionel and Sandy far to the right. She tells Judy to say something. Judith mouths some words very softly. Lionel admits he didn't hear it. "Nor did I," Jean says. "Something about this afternoon?" Sandy asks. Judith tells them she said "I think it might rain this afternoon." Jean tells her that she didn't ask her to whisper. Judith says it again and Jean tells her she already said that. Sandy tries -- "Why do Rugby Club dances get boisterous?" Lionel looks at her and asks if she said something about oysters. "Boisterous," Jean tells him. He accuses Sandy of whispering too. 
The others both heard her. He tells Jean to sit down. She reaches for her glasses. He tells her "no glasses" and holds up a playing card. He asks what card he's holding up. She says she doesn't know because it's facing him. He apologizes and turns it towards her. She struggles to see it. It's an eight and Judith is holding up eight fingers. He sees Judith and gets another card. "The Queen of Hearts," she says right away. "Wrong -- the King of Hearts." Judith thinks it's a good thing that she got the suit right at least. He starts waving the cards around and asks which is clearer -- the black or the red? She tells him it's absurd. Of course it is, he says -- you don't test someone's hearing by whispering in the corners of the room any more than you test someone's eyesight by waving cards about. Jean agrees that he's right, which is why -- even though she never volunteered for it -- she intends to keep that appointment with the eye specialist the next morning. She tells him to see some sense. He says that he's not having an ear trumpet.
Jean is on the telephone with Judith telling her she's seen the eye specialist and that's all it was was a minor alteration to the prescription. She says that Lionel is still out and if he didn't go to get his hearing tested she'll really shout at him when he gets home. She'll see her and Sandy tonight, she says, and hangs up the phone. 
She hears the door open and grabs a carrot so it will look as though she were doing something. Lionel walks in and asks why she's chopping up one carrot. She just thought she would.
She asks how it went. He wonders how it went for her. Fine -- apart from paying his fee. Just a minor alteration to the prescription, she assures him. Her eyesight is just fine. So's his hearing, he says. She's happy to know he had it tested. He tells her that there was a small problem but it's all fixed. "Oh thank goodness!" she shrieks. She stares at his ear without trying to look as though she's staring at his ear. She tells him that it's remarkable -- you can't see it at all. "What?" His hearing aid. He tells her that he isn't wearing a hearing aid. 
What, she wants to know, was the small problem? "Wax." He had a build-up of wax in the ear but he had it syringed and now it's just fine. She asks if it hurt and he tells her that it didn't. 
She tells him she was worried. He apologizes for not being his usual grown-up self. She asks him if there was a lot of wax. Yes, he tells her -- they gave it to him as a souvenir. He throws a bag on the kitchen counter. This startles her and grosses her out. "And" he points to the bag "I got some more of those nice sausages as well." She hits him in the shoulder. He opens the bag -- "they're in here." She can't believe he did that and hits him again. He thinks he's pretty funny. They obviously have a difference of opinion.